I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). After the debacle the previous day, I dreaded the following morning. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, the meeting between cellie Andre Charles, his ERP group leader, my ERP group leader, Ms. Grey, and myself. I imagined the fireworks that probably had gone off in their office as a result of all this. Perhaps I’d get lucky and with Andre leaving soon maybe they’ll leave it alone. I just doubt it. To make matters worse, Andre had relaxed and the cell was returning to normal. Opening this up again will just make things worse. But I doubt Ms. Grey will see it that way. The day started off with us all assembled in the dayroom. We were scheduled to finish ERP group member John Lloyd and mine presentation to the group of our self-evaluations. I have largely skipped writing about this as a lot has gone on the last few days and space/time constraints dictated some choices had to be made. But the self-evaluation consisted of some questions of what has changed since we started our group, what we need to work on in Phase II of the program, and what we need to work on when we get out. On the other side were questions on a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 the best rating. We evaluated openness, honesty, participation, program expectations, unit tasks, interactions with peers and staff and written assignments. Most everybody agreed with the person’s evaluation of themselves and rarely did anyone challenge anything and this morning we spent until the dayroom closed from 8 am to 11:45 am. We wondered if Ms. Grey had gone to Madison to protest as today the bill scrapping most collective rights for the state employee unions had become law. But after lunch she showed up along with intern Nikita. I was the last one to present the self-evaluation. After my autobiography, I became much more honest and open. I needed to work on my social skills in Phase II. And after I get out I need to remember to ask for help when I need it before I get into trouble. I rated myself a 4 on honesty, openness, program expectations, unit tasks, and on interactions with peers and staff and a 4 on my written assignments. My peers in the group kept trying to bump my scores higher which I suppose I feel good about. But Ms. Grey focused on my social interaction. I shared I’m comfortable in situations where I’m in control or have an escape route, which is why I had success in my Christian Rock band and in my work as an Information Technology professional. She deserved that in her opinion I exhibit symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorders. First time I’ve ever heard that but I suppose its possible. I’ve always believed it was part of my post traumatic delayed stress disorder and related anxiety issues. Anyway, again I was the only one that gave any kind of substantial feedback. She then announced she wanted us to turn in all the work we had done the last 13 weeks. Unfortunately, she hadn’t told us to keep the material and much of it though she had assigned it we had never gone through it especially the movie reviews. Some had very little of the material but everyone was missing some of it including me. A mini panic gripped the room as we started to go back to our cells trying to find missing work. After we’d all returned and handed in what we had prepared for our Phase I test. We were expecting a multiple choice test but no, it was an essay test with 5 questions. Again, we all sweated this test including me. But it turned out it was ok or we’re going to go over the answers Monday. Finally group was over. That night a new guy came in for the next ERP group that will start when Andre’s group gets cleared out of here. I felt a mixture of sympathy for him and relief that that isn’t me. Boy, am I thankful that isn’t me! Week 13 of 26 down and 12 to go.
Posts Tagged ‘band’
Get By With A Little Help From My Friends
Posted: September 1, 2011 in UncategorizedTags: Again, Andre, Anyway, autobiography, band, cell, cells, Charles, Christian, constraints, dayroom, debacle, Detention, employee, essay, Evaluation, evaluations, expectations, feedback, fireworks, friends, From, Grey, help, Information, Institution, interaction, interactions, John, leader, Little, Lloyd, Madison, member, Milwaukee, mixture, Most, movie, MSDF, Nikita, office, opinion, participation, person, Phase, presentation, Prison, Program, Release, relief, Rock, room, Secure, self, situations, skills, Some, sympathy, symptoms, System, tasks, Technology, Unit, week, Wisconsin
A Guard Goes Down
Posted: March 9, 2011 in UncategorizedTags: addict, addiction, Afterwards, Andre, antenna, antennas, attention, band, Body, Brian, cable, cables, cell, cellie, chairs, Charles, chick, Choice, cords, Detention, Down, girl, Gracie, granite, Guard, inmate, inmates, Institution, Larry, leader, locker, Malik, manner, marriage, meal, Milwaukee, movie, MSDF, Neurotransmitters, noise, outlet, Pearl, People, person, Peter, Peters, plays, Prison, Program, radio, Release, result, room, Roscoe, Ryan, Secure, shirt, Some, Specialist, steps, Supervisor, supper, System, television, televisions, Thorn, Though, vacation, wasn, Whalen, wires, Wisconsin, woman, word, world
I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). I got my towel and washcloth third in line on the chairs in front of the disgusting shower and was happy about that. It was also laundry night so I was plenty busy. The next morning cellie, Brian Whalen, agreed we would pull all our cords out of the tangled mess on our outlet and I would try to get it so that the wires and cables weren’t interfering with the reception of our antenna’s for our televisions. Though we don’t have cable we do pick up 31 television stations, which is amazing considering all the granite and steel here. But electrical cables seem to interfere with the antennas. But I decided to wait until lunch to do this as we were having the worst meal here, beef stroganoff. I went to my ERP group where our group leader, inmate Larry Sands, decided on his own to show a movie called Gracie’s Choice , an excellent movie of a young girl with several brothers and sisters whose mother was an addict. After it was finished I returned to my cell and when lunch was called, I began to work on the cords and antennas. Cellie Andre Charles was the only one left in the room, his fan blaring on high, and having just banged around at his locker. As I experimented with antenna positions he challenged me in a threatening manner on the amount of noise I was making. This coming from a guy who plays his TV and radio loud all the time and no one says a word. I just looked at him and left. I saw Whalen coming up the steps and told him after he inquired of whether I was finished that no I wasn’t and he should ask Andre why. After I returned, everyone was quiet and Andre was pacing the floor saying he’s not going to put up with this sh—anymore. I showed no fear or concern, but I didn’t answer. The other cellie Malik Pearl, confided once Roscoe Peters, our regular first shift guard, returned from vacation he would ask to be transferred. I told him I probably would after he did. His reasoning is he can’t handle it. But I don’t put it beyond Malik to be playing games either. I just don’t know for sure. Our ERP group resumed and after doing a couple assigned crossword puzzles on the Body System and Neurotransmitters, we watched another movie, “When a Man Loves a Woman” starring Meg Ryan. It’s a story about how a woman gets help for her drinking problem but as a result of getting healthy as a person, her marriage suffers. I avoided this movie in the real world as I heard it was a ‘chick flick’ but it was actually pretty good. Afterwards I returned to my cell. Andre wasn’t saying a word now. But right before supper was served, Malik drew my attention to the cell window. There was Peter Thorn, the guard who liked like he belonged in a punk band, on a chair head in hands with a white shirt (a supervisor) encouraging him to come with him. He hadn’t looked right before and he displayed the eyes of heroin use. Some inmates laughed, some cheered, but not me. Addiction can take down a guard, an IT Specialist/programmer like myself or anyone else really. People are fighting for their lives in here on several different levels and not all of them are inmates.
Thanksgiving Day
Posted: January 17, 2011 in UncategorizedTags: Almost, area, band, conclusion, Correctional, Cowboys, crime, Dallas, Detention, didn, downside, duration, fantasy, FMCI, food, Framework, fruit, guys, Information, inmate, inmates, Institution, items, Lake, letter, Macy, meal, memory, Milwaukee, Minimum, MSDF, NuWave, obsession, Orleans, oven, Prison, result, RSVP, Saints, Secure, status, supper, System, Technology, tension, Though, turkey, Unit, wasn, Waukesha, wife, Winnebago, Wisconsin, worker
I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS). The Thanksgiving holiday started off quiet. Almost all the regular guards have been gone the last 2 days as many of them have gone deer hunting. The result of that is we had guards unfamiliar with how things really work as opposed to by the book. This created some tension but most of the time we just laughed. Early in the morning several inmates began preparing a feast of canteen items, making burritos, cakes, chili and such on the counter we line up by for lunch. I wasn’t invited as you had to contribute canteen that was needed and since I was packed up to go to Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF) for my ERP program on Monday I didn’t have anything. There were those that wanted to participate but others already involved didn’t want them to. Food made by the inmates is usually pretty good though quite spicy, usually too much so for me. But to be invited to contribute canteen and eat is usually indicative of the positive social status of the inmate. The downside of this activity is the microwaves on the unit are occupied for the duration. I and other inmates had to sneak over to the other side of the unit to warm up our coffee. It might surprise you to know that we all were watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. It was a nice memory for me as I had played tuba in the band and marched competitively back in high school, all 140 pounds of me back then. Boy I feel old at 42 and 195! Our “Thanksgiving meal” wasn’t until supper so I put on 2 coats, hat, gloves and tied up my hood and walked on the track. As you might expect, my thoughts were far from FMCI, and not really even about MSDF. They were more about my future and the focus on what I need to do when I get out. I waver between rational and anxiety drive trains of thought. Technically inmates have to go back to the area were they committed their crime (Waukesha county) but if you have a job and a place to go they’ll let you go there. As I’ve noted before, I’m in Information Technology and a .NET Framework programmer. My adoptive parents are in Winnebago County so perhaps Green Bay, WI is where I should go which is near them. There’s few jobs like that in Waukesha County and besides my ex-wife and all those triggers associated with that are there. How can I pull this off? The thought process gets tangled between obsession, fantasy and reality. The thought occurs there is little I can accomplish on my own without help. I wrote a letter to one of my sponsors expressing all this, pretty scatter brained sounding I’m sure, asking for help with how to do this. I’m not sure they’ll know what to do but they’re who I have in my corner right now. I really need to be focusing on finishing ERP at MSDF in the short term. Supper consisted of turkey loaf, cranberries, stuffing and mixed vegetables. Though everyone complained, I didn’t see anyone giving their food away. That’s alright, when I get out, to celebrate, I’m getting a NuWave oven like I used to have and am going to make a huge turkey, peach cobbler, stuffing and fruit salad. Everyone is invited but please RSVP! 🙂 But back to this reality. Unfortunately, they ran out of turkey loaf so they had to do something else for the guys at the end of the line and a servery (kitchen) worker fell and shattered his elbow. We all watched the exciting conclusion to the Dallas Cowboys – New Orleans Saints game. As for me, my stomach did back flips as one of the guys who was cooking canteen earlier in the day offered me a left over burrito. It was good, but man it was spicy!
The Aftermath
Posted: December 14, 2010 in UncategorizedTags: addition, Aftermath, Another, area, band, Bramer, Brodie, bunk, Capt, Christian, complaints, Correctional, degree, distribution, emergency, events, fantasy, FMCI, food, friends, fruit, hall, heater, human, inmate, inmates, Institution, Jackson, kitchen, Lake, life, Minimum, mood, NCIS, noises, November, People, Percy, piece, Prison, regulations, repercussions, restriction, restrictions, rules, sarcasm, situation, soap, Some, System, ticket, tickets, Unit, upside, Wisconsin, world
I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS). The following day after the institution wide shakedown I got to the showers right after count cleared around 7:50 am. It was good that I did because shortly thereafter all the hot water was turned off on the unit with some saying the hot water heater had failed. This certainly didn’t help the mood on our unit which was already sour due to yesterday’s events. Then to top it of, we ran out of liquid soap though later in the day we got a new supply. The repercussions of the shakedown continued. An unconfirmed number of 9 people were sent to the hole with more expected the following day. In addition new regulations were put in place regarding kitchen food. Seconds were banned. Only one piece of fruit allowed in your bunk (not including canteen). A note was posted on the whiteboard saying if you had any property confiscated you were going to get a ticket for unauthorized transfer of property or similar offense and that the days to come Lt. Brodie and Capt. Bramer would hold hearings on the tickets. This is going to be literally dozens of tickets. Some inmates began making noises that it was an illegal shakedown because according to the rules an inmate must be present when their area was tossed even during an emergency and they were going to fill out complaints about this. They will lose. You can’t fight city hall you know? But all of these new restrictions on food and such came about because so many had abused the situation. This had been a long time coming. People working in the kitchen were okay with it though as there was more food for them. But truthfully these were the kind of rules we had at Jackson Correctional Institution (JCI), a medium security institution. One upside – perhaps they won’t have so many flies during the summer. I won’t be here to see that though. Tomorrow I get off bunk restriction. We are having a stretch of 60 degree November days so I’ll hit the track hard. We finished off the night with canteen distribution a day late due to yesterday’s fun. Another inmate made “cake” with some of his canteen and gave me some. It simply was some of the finest food I’ve had in the last 18 months. Oh and a side note. Percy actually spoke to me like a human being with no sarcasm and a genuine smile. Will wonders never cease? I settled in for the night comfortable in my Tuesday night routine on my top bunk. I watched TV shoes NCIS and Parenthood while eating a microwave bag of plain popcorn. I then flossed and brushed. Then I laid down and did the same thing I do every night. I fantasize of life in the real world, of a family of my own, interacting with friends, playing in a Christian band and having my happy ending to all this. That fantasy can become reality but we’ve got a lot more work to do to get there.
We Have Met the Enemy and it is Us
Posted: November 18, 2010 in UncategorizedTags: advantage, Appeal, areas, arrangements, attendance, attention, attitude, band, Brodie, Captain, chaplain, Charlie, choir, church, complaints, Correctional, demise, didn, drama, enemy, environment, FMCI, guitar, hour, incident, infiltration, inmates, Institution, keyboard, Kramer, Lake, leader, Many, member, members, Minimum, Most, music, noise, player, players, Prison, problems, Protestant, purpose, Satan, Service, singers, song, System, Unit, vocals, wasn, week, Wisconsin, woman
I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS). I was asked on Sunday to play keyboard for the choir for the Protestant church service. After the incident with Charlie, I was glad to turn my attention elsewhere. I had heard previously there had been quite a bit of drama associated with this particular group but I figured really, how bad could it be? The guy leaving the group had only been in charge a week and told me to meet the other singers by the basketball court for practice. Service was 3 hours away but no one knew the song arrangements. Most of the time was spent on a litany of complaints and backstabbing those not there. Many made a point of telling me their issues, perhaps because I was new and they wanted me to sway to their way of thinking. The refrain was basically that we were under attack from the enemy (Satan), thus the problems we were having. I was told because of guard complaints about the noise, they had taken away the drums and electric guitars. They claimed the institution didn’t allow sufficient practice time. Finally as further evidence of the “enemy’s” infiltration, solos had been stepped on and choir members were angered. I just rolled my eyes. My focus was solely to get the music down so I didn’t embarrass myself. The leader tried to get these complicated arrangements put in place with the other vocals. There just isn’t time. Finally, we practiced for a half hour at the multi-purpose building and then did the service. Simply put, it was awful. Most of the time when you stink as a band in a church environment, people tell you it was good anyway. Not this time. Many in attendance let me know how awful it sounded. My attitude was basically I get to play in a church band again so I want to take advantage. The following day I was told by the leader that Captain Kramer and Lt. Brodie wanted to see the choir. Kramer, an attractive middle-aged woman, is Brodie’s boss. I know if she was there, this wasn’t good. After we all got there, Kramer got right to the point. Apparently, inmates in the choir from Unit 10 had been in Unit 9 areas to practice vocals which is a major offense. Then she told us that due to this and the repeated problems incurred with this choir, that have caused her and Brodie to have to spend time on these issues every week, the choir was to be disbanded. The only exceptions were the leader, guitar and keyboard player, being sure to point out to the leader that the chaplain had specifically asked for him. In some ways, if intentional, it was a clever move on their part. Appeal to the leader’s ego, cause division within the group and confuse who they should be mad at. The problem with this is in this environment by Kramer singling out who was wanted, those people will feel pressure to not cooperate or be viewed as friendly to staff which you really don’t want here. So now the band leader was talking like none of use would stay, that they wouldn’t tell us how to run the choir. While he was off talking to each now former choir member, others started filling me in. While it was true they weren’t given adequate practice time (a half hour isn’t adequate to get all this ready), the guitar players and drummers had been repeatedly about the volume level and volunteers and staff complained. Choir members themselves had been going to the chaplain and Brodie complaining about each other. At the end of the day, it was just easier to shut it all down. It wasn’t Satan that was responsible for the group’s demise, it was largely the choir’s own fault. What’s going to happen now I don’t know. But sometimes I rather like being the quiet one!
Facebook and the Inmate
Posted: November 2, 2010 in UncategorizedTags: associates, Attorney, band, blog, Christian, church, comments, contacts, Correctional, correspondence, courtesy, disaster, events, expectations, Facebook, fact, Feel, FMCI, folks, Fortune, Framework, friend, friends, haven, hostage, human, Information, inmate, inquiries, Institution, Jake, knowledge, Lake, life, Live, Martin, Minimum, money, nature, Prison, profession, reaction, relationship, relationships, requests, result, solution, Some, Still, System, task, Technology, wife, Wisconsin, world
I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS). Did you know Jake Martin (my pen name) has a Facebook page? Feel free to send a friend request and post your thoughts or stories. I’d love to hear from you. I haven’t mentioned it before despite it having been out there for some time. My bad. It’s the same as always, if you post something directed to me or the blog sponsors, you’ll get an answer. My real identity also has a Facebook and Windows Live presence. I had a successful .NET Framework and Information Technology blog on Windows Live. As a result, I developed a rather large network of IT Professionals. After I’d been arrested, it appeared I had just suddenly vanished and some of those contacts began making inquiries into what had happened to me. Some of these folks are now “sponsors” of this blog. One serves as my power of attorney (POA) and several update this blog with what I write, handle the increasing amount of correspondence and try to keep me grounded which can be a trying task. Isn’t it ironic that those that knew me from the virtual world proved to be there for me much more than anyone from the physical world? Friends from my church, Christian band, the Fortune 500 company I worked for as a software developer, or other associates, most I never heard from even after it became common knowledge where I was, courtesy of my now ex-wife. It was human nature to want to befriend a guy on his way up in his profession, making great money, who started a talented Christian rock band and seemed to always have an answer for the problem confided. But it was also human nature that when the ship of my life was taking on water and sinking to try and get as far away, as fast as possible, lest the suction of the disaster somehow affect them. So though I got angry, I eventually came to see their reaction as natural, almost intuitive, to the events that had taken place. I was asked if I forgive them for not standing by me. I now answer there was nothing to forgive. They didn’t then or now owe me a thing. The problem here was my expectations of my relationships with people. I wanted 100% loyalty not because I loved them, but because that little boy in me was tired of being hurt and abandoned. I would extend my loyalty, but here’ the thing. They never asked for that. The sad fact is I can’t hold those close to me hostage to my issues and call that a relationship. Perhaps I am the one that should seek forgiveness from them. I, under my real name, still occasionally have updates posted to Facebook. My blog still collects 300 hits a day, despite not having been updated in 17 months, mostly .NET and IT guys looking for a particular solution. Still, I haven’t come up with a way to handle the classmate that pops up on Facebook and such. I don’t want to tell people I’m in prison. I’m ashamed. I don’t have an answer so I’ve been ignoring those friend requests and comments that come in. I am sure there is a way I’m suppose to handle it. As always, if I keep an open mind, the answer will come.
Life in Wisconsin Prisons and Beyond 