I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS).  Did you know Jake Martin (my pen name) has a Facebook page?  Feel free to send a friend request and post your thoughts or stories.  I’d love to hear from you.  I haven’t mentioned it before despite it having been out there for some time.  My bad.  It’s the same as always, if you post something directed to me or the blog sponsors, you’ll get an answer.  My real identity also has a Facebook and Windows Live presence.  I had a successful .NET Framework and Information Technology blog on Windows Live.  As a result, I developed a rather large network of IT Professionals.  After I’d been arrested, it appeared I had just suddenly vanished and some of those contacts began making inquiries into what had happened to me.  Some of these folks are now “sponsors” of this blog.  One serves as my power of attorney (POA) and several update this blog with what I write, handle the increasing amount of correspondence and try to keep me grounded which can be a trying task.  Isn’t it ironic that those that knew me from the virtual world proved to be there for me much more than anyone from the physical world?  Friends from my church, Christian band, the Fortune 500 company I worked for as a software developer, or other associates, most I never heard from even after it became common knowledge where I was, courtesy of my now ex-wife.  It was human nature to want to befriend a guy on his way up in his profession, making great money, who started a talented Christian rock band and seemed to always have an answer for the problem confided.  But it was also human nature that when the ship of my life was taking on water and sinking to try and get as far away, as fast as possible, lest the suction of the disaster somehow affect them.  So though I got angry, I eventually came to see their reaction as natural, almost intuitive, to the events that had taken place.  I was asked if I forgive them for not standing by me.  I now answer there was nothing to forgive.  They didn’t then or now owe me a thing.  The problem here was my expectations of my relationships with people.  I wanted 100% loyalty not because I loved them, but because that little boy in me was tired of being hurt and abandoned.  I would extend my loyalty, but here’ the thing.  They never asked for that.  The sad fact is I can’t hold those close to me hostage to my issues and call that a relationship.  Perhaps I am the one that should seek forgiveness from them.  I, under my real name, still occasionally have updates posted to Facebook.  My blog still collects 300 hits a day, despite not having been updated in 17 months, mostly .NET and IT guys looking for a particular solution.  Still, I haven’t come up with a way to handle the classmate that pops up on Facebook and such.  I don’t want to tell people I’m in prison.  I’m ashamed.  I don’t have an answer so I’ve been ignoring those friend requests and comments that come in.  I am sure there is a way I’m suppose to handle it.  As always, if I keep an open mind, the answer will come.

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