Posts Tagged ‘Time’


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  One part of the ERP program is we are required to do a detailed report on our drug of choice.  I’m told other ERP programs in WPS had access to a lot of resources to do these reports that we don’t have here at MSDF.  That combined with the fact that this is an OWI group which meant that everyone’s drug of choice was alcohol meant that all of the reports sounded the same and contained identical statistical information.  So yeah it was a little boring but we had to go through the motions.  Even our ERP group leader Ms. Grey has acknowledged that the lack of resources limits the ability for her to provide a productive group experience.  Anyway, after these reports were read we proceeded to our self evaluations for Phase II, like we had done for Phase I.  Group members Dean Stark and Russ Johnson had learned their lesson to not rate themselves too highly with Johnson probably going overboard the other way.  I had rated myself a 4 on a scale of 1 to 15 on being social with peers and the group said I should mark it down to a 3.  They were right of course.  On interaction with staff I rated myself a 4 but ERP group member Scott Dietz said sarcastically I’d had a lot of staff interaction lately referring to my trip to the hole.  The rating stood.  Dietz has been making a lot of snide remarks since my return from the hole.  It might be because of this blog but as Johnson put it to me when he said not to take it personally as this is just the way he is.  That is true.  In the afternoon session we started out with wearing “beer goggles” which are supposed to simulate different levels of intoxication.  We went out into the dayroom where we pulled the tables and chairs aside and put tape on the floor and attempted to do the heel to toe walk police do for a DUI test.  And who should be running all of this but intern Nikita!  She has been very quiet and reserved for the most part.  But she conducted herself quite well for the most part.  While the exercise was funny, it reminded me of the failed tests I’d had my previous arrest.  ERP group member Mark Hogan pretended to accidentally run into Nikita but she didn’t let it phase her.  The group was testing her which was pretty clear.  After Ms. Grey, who had taken a couple group members on parole officer (PO) calls, we did more tests.  We setup the chairs as an obstacle course, tried to balance a ruler on a fingertip, and threw a ball back and forth between us.  All of them demonstrated our lack of coordination and muscle/eye cooperation.  Though the goggles really weren’t realistic it made the point at least for me.  We had time left over so then we watched what Ms. Grey said was the last movie we had to watch called First Time Felon.  This movie was about a younger man (Omar Epps) involved in gang life who gets a second chance by going through boot camp, the struggles he has after getting out and his eventual realization of his goal to be an inner city youth counselor.  It was a good movie.  We were given a reaction paper to write due for Monday.  This weekend is Easter so Monday is a furlough day but none of us knew that until later.  But the bottom line is another week is done, which is 19 of 26.  I thank God for getting me through another one.

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I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  After reading the autobiography, Ms. Grey, our ERP Group Coordinator had each of us devise an ERP Treatment Plan.  It consists of 2 short-term treatment related goals and objectives and 2 long-term practical type goals and objectives.  I’ll share mine with you so you can understand what I’m referring to in the future.  The first short term treatment goal was to address forgiveness issues.  The objectives (how to accomplish this) will be 1. – Read Chapter 5, 7, 13-14 of Houses of Healing by Robin Casarjian.  2. – Write 5 page essay on material.  3. – Write letter forgiving biological father. 4. – Share essay with ERP group. 5. – Share letter with group.  The second short-term treatment goal is to address anger issues.  The objectives are 1. – Read Anger is a Choice by Tim Layattte and Bob Phillips. 2. – Write 5 page essay on material. 3. – Share essay with group. 4. – Write letter forgiving self. 5. – Do “Thinking Event” (describe an event, your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, believes, and outcome involving it) on post traumatic delayed stress disorder connected event.  The first long-term goal relates to Housing and Transportation.  The objectives are to “Try to stay with my adopted parents for a few days.  They are Rev. Charles Martin and Victoria Martin 2. – Get my own place relatively quickly. 3. – Get place in Green Bay, WI after that. 4. – Get assessment so I can get my drivers license.  5. – Get driver license.  6. – Get car insurance. 7. – Get car.  The second long-term goal relates to employment.  The objects are 1. – Find 3rd shift job so I can be available for interviews and training.  2. – Try to find Information Technology job. 3. – Look into Real Estate training and license.  4. – Look into car sales. 5. – Get cell phone.  From here, I’ll sign this goal sheet, then Ms. Grey followed by Ms. Greys’s supervisor and it will then be considered part of my treatment plan.  Some comments about this.  The short-term treatment goals seem simple but they are not.  But they are worthy of my time and like I said, and though I’ve been addressing these issues on this blog the last year, it will be good for me to do this.  I’m also pretty sure this wont’ be the end of it on these issues.  The long-term goals are another matter.  The Parole Officer has to approve me going to my adoptive parents county and they have to say it’s ok otherwise its going to be going to a homeless shelter.  As far as the transportation and employment, so much of it requires money, which I don’t have, and have factors I can’t control, such as will anyone hire  an IT Professional who is a felon.  That if I focus on such things, you can get yourself pretty worked up.  Do you want to hire me?  Just kidding of course, but seriously, I wonder how people will view me in the job market.  But of course, I’m not the only soon to be released felon confronting these issues.  Every day felons start out from prisons with the odds already against them just like I’m going to do.  But I have faith.  I have faith if I do what I’m suppose to, I’m going to make it.  I’m going to have faith in God to see me through, ask others for help when I need it, and be willing to do whatever it takes. 


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  I woke up after a very bad night, with my cellie, Andre Charles, in a foul mood and trying to pick a fight with another cellie, Malik Pearl.  The issue this time was Andre thought Malik was angry over all the noise he was making.  He probably was but he hadn’t said a word to Andre.  I rolled out of bed and ate breakfast.  For whatever reason, Andre requires our attention and I’m just not going to give it today.  Ms. Grey, our ERP coordinator, is on vacation but she had left behind assignments for us to do.  We were to read chapter 1- 2 of House of Healing (HOH) and complete the assignment in the morning session of our ERP program and in the afternoon watch the first video on HOH, as well as read the Criminal conduct and Substance Abuse  (CCSAT), and work on our group mission statement.  Reading HOH, I can tell you straight away that the author Robin Casarjian is a genius in how she frames things for the reader.  The first two chapters are entitled “Doing Time” and “Who Are You Anyway?” “Doing Time” feels like a pep talk, that regardless of your circumstances behind bars, making change in yourself is worthwhile work.  “Who Are You Anyway?” is a look at our core, our “self’, surrounded by our sub-personalities and how “over-identifying with any one of them can debilitate us or stunt our growth” (p.13). I can see how someone with my background may have gotten so lost in a sub-personality now.  I highly recommend this book to everyone regardless of the kind of prison you’re in.  I completed the “Who Am I” assignment on page 10 and moved on to the CCSAT workbook.  We were to complete Session 1 but many were way past that.  Session 1was concerned with explaining the program and setting up goals to avoid “criminal thinking” and recidivism.  I feel out of place with this workbook and its tone feels, the word comes to mind is clinical.  But I will give it my best effort.  I mean I don’t have a choice, right?  After lunch in our cell, Andre went on and on to me about when he says he’s through with people it’s nothing personal to me even though Malik and Whalen, my other cellie, agreed he absolutely was.  I wanted to reply that though I hope he finds the help he needs, I couldn’t care less if he was through with me.  In fact, I wish he and I had no involvement at all.  But for once, I bit my tongue.  After lunch, we’d been told to watch the first video of the HOH book series.  It took 20 minutes for us inmates to get the DVD player in the weight room running.  The video we were supposed to watch told the story of how HOH came to happen (remarkable itself – email if you want to know) and further discussion on identifying who we are.  Then we as a group decided to watch the second video so we didn’t have to set it up again.  This was on forgiveness, the ability to see the good in a person past their present issue.  Again, outstanding stuff.  I feel I do a good job of that most of the time. It’s to see the light bulb, not the lampshade.  Our next item, was the mission statement for our ERP group MS. Grey asked us to come up with.  Yours truly did the honors.  It states “we seek to learn how to live a clean and sober life through truth and accountability to each other, surrendering our old way of doing things and being open to new ideas, humbly and empathetically looking at ourselves and each other in a balanced fashion, remembering to be truthful for our new lives.”  Let’s hear it for the run on sentence!  🙂  The “Ripple Effect” of addiction was assigned to our ERP group inmate leader, Larry Sands.  They cancelled our ERP group night session so I listened to Whalen state how fed up he was and Andre keeps goading him.  Man, my headphones can’t get here fast enough!  But the best part of the day, I actually got a Christmas card in the mail tonight!  So, I’m happy.  It’s good to know you’re not forgotten once in awhile, you know?


I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS).  On the last weekend prior to my transfer to Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF) to being the Earned Release Program (ERP) I had a very pleasant surprise. I had not one, but three visitors.  I hadn’t had a visit since one of the sponsors had visited me at Jackson Correctional Institution (JCI).  But a friend, actually my ex-wife’s, ex-husband’s, ex-wife (yes, it’s that complicated) whose name is Lucy visited.  She endured almost as much as I as our families disintegrated before our eyes. (She was still married to my ex-wife’s, ex-husband then).  We got caught up on what each of us knew about these people from our past but still present in our hearts. It was bittersweet.  Knowing those you love have moved on without you is tough on anyone, inmate or free.  Lucy and I talked about the possibility of my staying with her for a short time after I get out.  It’s not the ideal situation but I’m grateful for an option.  She is certainly someone I trust.   In case your about to ask if it’s romantic, it is not.  We’re just 2 people who have the disaster of our families and marriages in common.  Then after Lucy left, my adoptive parents showed up.  It’s been over a year since I last saw them, never since I’ve been to prison.  It’s a dynamic I haven’t touched on in this blog, but its safe to say that they are good people who had no idea what they were getting into when they got me as a kid.   Perhaps I’ll get into that more later on.  But it was a good visit and it was good to see them.  They are indicating they want me to call once I get to MSDF so we’ll see how that goes.  Incarceration is hard on so many beyond the inmate and it can make those relationships awkward.  I am anxious to find out what acquaintances of the family know and what’s being said about me.  It’s the shame factor of course. 

This morning I woke up and looked at the menu and saw we were having backed chicken for supper (the best thing here) so I traded most of what little canteen I had left to Paul for a couple extra pieces. Things are getting bad on this unit so it’s good I’m moving on.  The immediate crisis is one inmate traded his TV to another inmate for $20 of canteen, and he used that to buy tobacco.  The problem is the selling inmate reneged and demanded the TV be returned or he’d report the purchasing inmate to the guards for having unauthorized property.  The purchasing inmate had no choice but to comply with the blackmail but vowed retribution.   Add to that the purchasing inmate is popular and is good at manipulating others and its a powder keg that’s going to explode.  Some plan on either cutting the power cord of the TV and/or the inmate.  I decided to go walk the track and enjoy the sky, wind and sun, one more time before I go to MSDF where there will be none of that.  I thought about what the purpose of all this was.  The way I see it the purpose at Dodge Correctional Institution (DCI) was to break me down, the purpose at JCI was to get me physically healthy, and and the purpose at FMCI was to get me mentally ready for ERP at MSDF, ready for people in close quarters and able to cope with a lack of personal space and my boundaries being violated.  It isn’t what the WPS planned but maybe that was God’s plan for me.  I came back inside to even more strife going on between inmates but feeling energized and confident for what will come tomorrow. 


I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS).  I was doing my usual routine in the morning of coffee, eating something sweet while reading the Green Bay Press Gazette.  This being Wednesday (November 24th), I also had shaved my head.  Yes, I do that on a routine too (Wednesdays and Saturdays)!  I got called to the desk and I got the long awaited order to pack up my things.  They then let me know that on Monday, November 29th, I would get shipped to Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF) for my Earned Release Program (ERP), start date of December 13th.  I didn’t move quickly.  I’ve gotten so much contradictory information about what would be allowed at MSDF property wise that I decided to divide things between what I thought they’d let me keep and what they wouldn’t.  This was further complicated by the fact I have 5 days until I leave.  Toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, all the things you need I couldn’t pack.  Why so soon?  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  Friday is a furlough day and property doesn’t work on weekends.  Everything I didn’t pack I’ll have to throw away on Monday.  No it isn’t fair but that’s life in the Wisconsin Prison System.  Many people decided I had been their best friend, as many had their hand out wanting my canteen.  I just smiled and laughed and said no.  The guard barked at me to get moving so I ate lunch before everyone else and loaded my 3 boxes into the back of a van.  Once I got to property, I realized I shouldn’t have bothered separating things.  The property sergeant had me empty the boxes while he reloaded them.  It was uneventful.  There was a younger guy there coming to FMCI.  He had 11 boxes.  After I signed my release I had to wait about a half hour for him to get inspected.  Once I got back no one was real concerned about me as they were holding hearings on the tickets at the Multipurpose Building.  Soon after, 2 inmates from servery staff (kitchen) got taken to the hole for some kind of scandal that was going on there so I’m not the topic of conversation.  That’s good by me!  But having struggled to get my property for the first 35 some days, I’m sure missing it now as I hear the collection of voices singing, talking smack or just talking with each other to be heard all over again.  Those are the best and worst of times for the anxiety junkies like me, when all things familiar are ripped away, the future both short, and long term are completely unknown and unavailable to be manipulated by our obsessively controlling nature’s.  But it speaks to the progress I’ve made that I’m not nearly as locked up as I was when I first got here and had no escapes available to me just like now.  Let’s hope this progress continues as I move on to MSDF.


I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS).  The Wisconsin Department of Corrections (DOC) Family has got an offer you can’t refuse – especially since they control every aspect of your life, potential release and they know that your financially destitute.  You feel like your not bargaining on an  equal footing, though you had more strength than you knew.  But the deal pleased the “Family”, as they keep the secrets of where the bodies are buried, who killed them and who knew about it safely hidden.  The “Family” will offer that deal and more 8 days a week to keep you silent and feel they got off light.  The past couple days around here the conversation around many has revolved around the media reports (original article entitled “Lawyer: Prison could have stopped alleged assaults” was not found, but was printed Wednesday, November 3, 2010 in the Green Bay Press-Gazette) of the payout to an inmate to not file a lawsuit concerning alleged sexual assaults by a former guard, James Trentin (I’m using his real name – I don’t usually use staff or inmates real names – but I’m using his because he was named in the media) at Prairie du Chien Correctional Institution and the at best incompetent and at worst intentionally misleading investigation by “prison officials” who then compounded their failure to protect inmates by returning the alleged predator to work where he had access to the inmates.  It was after this point, with the realization he now could act with impunity, that he allegedly assaulted the victim, acted with the supposed consent with 4 others, while several others rejected his advances.  Lets be clear on a couple things.  ANY sexual activity between staff and inmates is sexual assault by staff.  Inmates cannot consent. They can’t walk away and are largely powerless to stop the activity.  Second, inmates are not above using manipulation over staff actions to get what they want.  Really, it can begin to be a contest between who the bigger predator is and which one appears to have more power at a given moment.  Many inmates have perfected their con game.  But based on my readings of the facts, I use the words “alleged predator” in regards to James Trentin because of the fact he is not viewed as a predator by the legal system.  Why you might ask?  In exchange for guilty please to misdemeanors, 22 counts of second degree sexual assault were dropped.  Trentin didn’t do a day because the prosecutor felt inmates weren’t credible despite video evidence of Trentin giving them contraband, testimony of inmates who refused his advances (thus no crime but a pattern of conduce emerges), and testimony of those who were assaulted.  In light of that, I submit the idea that inmate victims are viewed less than worthy than say a collection of victims of a single predator on the outside world, largely because there is no political group with any kind of base to speak for those victims that anyone will listen to.  If this prosecutor treated a group of victims in this fashion in the outside world, they surely would lose their job.  I challenge anyone to disagree with that statement!  But isn’t it interesting how this whole tragedy resembles the abusive family dynamic?  You’ve got generational teachers who educate the parents that run the institutions that you must protect the family at all costs and the secrets that must stay that way, or the irrational fear of family, and individual destruction is planed.  The older siblings, the guards, all know one of their own is a predator on the powerless younger siblings, inmates, but won’t tell because they know the parents really don’t want to know about it.  Some of the powerless younger siblings see no way out so try to bargain with the predatory older sibling for their silence thus gaining an illusion of power and favor.  But one younger sibling complains to the parents about the abuse.  They ask their predator child about the allegations who of course blames the victims – everyone but himself using negotiations of some of the siblings as proof of his innocence.  The parents running the institution go to the complaining sibling and decide for the good of the family’s image to do something extraordinary for the child – to give him $150,000 and extract a promise that they’ll never get put under oath and have to reveal all the family secrets.  Meanwhile, as with all family secrets, they hold their breath and hope no one else comes forward.  Secrets have become their most treasured possession.  Predators (alleged) like James Trentin almost always have had or will have another victim out there somewhere.  Time is a secret’s enemy.  The question isn’t a matter of if but when it comes out.  When it does, will the predatory older sibling go down himself or will all the dominoes fall threatening the whole family for having kept silent?  Do you know something about this or have a similar secrete no one knows? Call Thomas Hayes (414) 271-9844), a lawyer looking into this, or email this blogs sponsors.  Don’t sit in silence any longer.