Posts Tagged ‘results’


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  The morning in our ERP group we finished the movie “Antwone Fisher” starring Denzel Washington, after which we did a questionnaire on the movie.  But talk about art paralleling life!  I just had biological family relatives finally getting in touch with me recently.  I did share what was going on with me in the ensuing discussion and how I was happy the movie didn’t end with some cheesy glorious ending between his mother and him.  Ok, I’m a little jaded.  I just don’t think it happens that often.  Afterwards we finished up the “Rational Thinking” workbook from The Change Companies.  At the afternoon session, we watched a ten year old movie called “Tough Guise”.  Its premise is basically we as men have been programmed to think as violent creatures in order to prove our manhood.  We were encouraged to not believe that obviously.  We received a new workbook “The Price of Freedom is Living Free – Lifestyles and Values” by Jack D. Cooper, published by Kindred Publishing and Productions, and were assigned the first 10 pages.  We were also given a bunch of handouts on Denial, Defense Systems, the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy model, thinking cycle, core beliefs, irrational thinking, the three R Cycle (resentment, rehearsal, revenge) and Stages of Change.  It took 20 minutes to get all this passed out.  To be honest, I’m under motivated right now.  I was up at 5 am to get a shot at the shower and laundry so I’m tired.  I also know this family stuff is on my mind.  I don’t know if they were aware of the early years.  One of them doesn’t know I know my biological father raped them too (his own sister).  Part of me really wished this hadn’t come along right now but something tells me the timing is no accident.  To make matters worse, I caught Andre Charles in my locker but he didn’t know I was watching.  He’s accustomed to have been doing this with Brian Whalen.  So I got the combination to my lock and moved things around so I can lock up my canteen.  That’s going to create questions but this anxiety junkie doesn’t need another reason to get uptight.  Bottom line it’s just not a great day for me.  You have those too.  Issues are different but the results are the same.  But it’s going to be ok.  At count right after supper, the second shift guard announced we shouldn’t interrupt him while he was eating because “dieting makes you crazy” and it must be obvious to us he was a bodybuilder.  We all laughed.  Nobody cared what he does or what his problems were.  But it made me smile so that was a good thing.


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Last night was Monday and it happened to be laundry night but it also was Bible study night sponsored by the unknown group that gave us the gifts Saturday.  But I wanted to go learn more.  It seems quite a few had the same idea as they had to move it out of the smaller room it’s normally held in.  There were 2 leaders who I found out later is called “The Church (In Wisconsin)” of West Allis, WI.  But I get the sense they didn’t want to tell us.  The Bible Study itself was more of a sermon than a study, based on Psalm 118 and Acts 3.  My favorite versus were Psalm 118:17-18 “I will not die but live and will proclaim what the Lord has done.  The Lord has chastened me severely but he has not given me over to death”. While I was in the study, Tom Dietz volunteered to watch my laundry.  I knew I liked that guy!  Unfortunately the beach ball that is my cellie, Andre Charles, bounced the other way.  For whatever reason he has tamed again.  He was upset with me for reasons unknown saying we don’t joke around, we have to be serious.  The next morning at count he said there was a “fagg—– who keeps look at him when he sleeps”.  I didn’t have a clue what he was referring to of course, but the more immediate problem was the name he called me in front of everyone.  Another challenge, this one in public.  But I didn’t do anything.  A guard’s watching and the wrong word ends my time in ERP.  But before we’d go back into the cell, a guard walked up to me and said I was going to the hospital and to get ready to go.  I’m sure I was going to get the cancer test results from the PET scan last week.  But before I left, another cellie Malik Pearl, warned me I was about to find out what Andre is going to do and I better get out of this cell.  I hate to say it cause I’m a little..okay a lot on the stubborn side but I may end up getting out of this cell.  Of course, it was time to go, and of course like always on my road trips, the weather was crappy.  I got to the University Hospital and got to the inmate waiting room fully anticipating a good report from the doctor.  The room was a buzz with the rumors of what Gov. elect Scott Walker was going to do to the prisons and DOC staff.  Let’s put it this way, he seems to be following the playbook he followed in Milwaukee County.  If so, state employees are going to be hurting.  But after the blood work, I saw my oncologist, Dr. Rachel Cook.  The good news is my counts are normal.  The bad news is there area  couple of lymph nodes that are enlarged.  Nothing will be done except to schedule more scans to see if they continue to grow.  I ate my bag lunch in the waiting room while the guards ate their lunches.  After I got back, I sat 3 hours in an empty waiting room, even eating supper there.  Finally I got back to my unit where no one in my cell spoke to me.  But I’m ok with that.  I’ve got bigger fish to fry and I’ve got to deal with my own issues that are much larger in scope than what Andre Charles influences people to do.


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). The see saw relationships between those of us in this cell continues.  I actually opened up about a period I was homeless while in Dallas, TX before I got myself together many years ago.  I hadn’t even told you all about that mostly because it wasn’t relevant yet.  But the conversation revolved around the fear of being homeless after release.  I relate to that believe me.  It’s a big fear of mine.  But the conversation seemed to ease tensions.  I still don’t trust any of them but such is the nature of the beast.  This morning was dominated by the coverage of the standoff on I94 West which blocked both sides of the freeway. It’s so weird seeing all the cold and snow on TV and not be able to feel it or see it with my own eyes.  No sun, sky, moon, stars or fresh air until I get out.  I better get used to it.  They had another community meeting as is their custom on Friday.  Housecleaning issues were that people blow their noses and spit in the sink and showers.  We’ve seen this before.  What is it about prison that makes people believe in such a gross manner? Another issue, people pee on the toilet seat.  No ladies, prison doesn’t fix that about men.  They moved onto the quote of the week which had been assigned to one of my cellies, Malik Pearl.  His quote was “To stand still is to die.  To move forward is to prosper”.  He did a good job explaining it.  He even had part of the quote tattooed on him.  The word for the week was “receptive”.  Again, the comments were wooden and felt forced but I don’t know maybe that’s how it is here.  Then another inmate shared a news story about how Milwaukee County is developing it’s own style of boot camp for their jail and how it was a good idea.  Everyone stood up and said how great this was – except me of course.  I surprised myself by speaking up even though I don’t start the program until Monday, December 13th. My point was that programs such as these don’t produce results – which is to keep people out of jail.  Plus, the money would be better applied to treatment programs, to address the root causes of why they are in prison.  My cellie, Brian Whalen actually spoke up and agreed with me.  The last piece  of business was to introduce the new social worker, Betty Grey.  She helped with the ERP program at Racine Correctional Institution (RCI) prior to being at MSDF.  Ms. Grey is going to be running my ERP group on Monday.  You’ll be hearing a lot about her over the next few months.  Tried as I may, I couldn’t read anything about her in those few moments.  Group concluded and the school is out feeling came over the entire unit as no ERP stuff until Monday.  Some went to sleep, watch TV, use the phone or as I found out today, they have a movie room.  Lunch came and the people sent to the hole yesterday returned. The guy who was suppose to go home did.  But one of the guys who went was Scott Bunker who came in with me and like me starts ERP Monday.  Poor guy.  It’s been a rough start for him as the first room he was in wasn’t to his ethnic standards and now this.  In fairness to him they were much younger than him but it’s not going to be easy for him here I think.  My cellies kid me I can’t take it easy anymore but I told them I’m ready to get this going.  “Finally” is the word that comes to mind for me as we’ve been trying to get in ERP all of this past year. 


I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS).  It was another tough night but the good news is I got up at 5 am, ate breakfast (I haven’t been eating much), and then went back to sleep.  It was the best sleep I’d had in some time.  After I got up, word had apparently gotten around that Percy had written me up.  Many were there to point out to me how foolish I was not to have accepted the summary punishment Percy had proposed (3 days bunk confinement), others who bunk in the area urged me to fight it as they saw I was next to my bunk when Percy saw me.  I’m not accustomed to all the attention from these folks so it was a little unnerving but I was ok.  I think for many it was weird to see me in any kind of trouble as I have a reputation here as a bit of a straight arrow.  Later on that morning, I was called to the guard desk and I was given the paperwork that Percy had prepared for the ticket.  It was for “being in an Unassigned Area” (303.511) and “Violation of Institution Policies” (303.63).  It was categorized as a “Minor offense” (303.75).  I’m guessing that means it won’t affect my ERP program start date at Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF).  The paperwork included a description of the offense and that a hearing was needed.  When I walked away from the desk, I thanked the guard that gave me the paperwork.  That was a mistake as far as the other inmates who had been watching were concerned.  One asked me why I would thank the guard for giving me a ticket.  Yes, this didn’t help my “cred” as an inmate.  But it wasn’t the guards fault and part of my personality is I try to be polite.  I explained the first part to the inmates who were watching.  They laughed and mocked a little.  It was meant in fun but even if it hadn’t, the vast majority of who I’ve been locked up with, I could really care less what their opinion is of me.  As the day progressed, seeing as it was election day I anticipated attention would focus on the news.  Nobody really was interested however, which kind of surprised me.  In fact, people were annoyed that the election results were running along the bottom of the screen and coverage preempted some of their programming.  My favorite program “Parenthood” got bounced, but it goes with the territory.  Perhaps you were annoyed too.  After Scott Walker was projected as a winner, some guards and inmates made noise about how dire the situation will be for state employees and inmates.  I, however, was more concerned with the Assembly and Senate elections.  They both went Republican which means whatever bills Walker or the Legislature want they’ll get.  There will be no check on extremism, which should scare everyone.  It’s going to get interesting if nothing else and I’ll bet by the time 2012 gets here, everyone will be paying attention.


I’m at the Fox Lake Minimum Correctional Institution (FMCI), a facility in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS).  I told you last time I was promised I’d get my property, things like my TV, books and letters, the next day.  They’re the kind of things that can make your time tolerable.  Of course nothing happened with that the following day.  I asked the blonde female guard to call property to remind them and she wouldn’t.  The following day I went to get the results of my tests at UW Madison.  Everything was still showing no signs of cancer having returned for which I am thankful.  This trip was notable because the guard that took me, brown hair, very tall, about 285 lbs, drove like a maniac there and back.  I was so used to guards who barely drive the speed limit.  To be honest, it was kind of fun.  We saw a late 60’s, early ‘70’s truck driving on a beat rim and he rolled down his window and told the driver!  Just unusual behavior.  When I got back I approached the sergeant on duty and asked him to call property so I can get my stuff.  A guard interrupted my conversation with him.  He is in his mid to late twenties, blonde hair and is thin.  Everyone to a man here agrees he comes off as an arrogant jerk.  I’m calling him Percy because there was a character in the movie “The Green Mile” who expressed and acted on his desires to hurt inmates and others and enjoyed it.  He was self absorbed with a highly developed sense of entitlement.  Who brought out only the bad, if not the worst, in others.  This guard should sue Oliver Stone for basing a character personality on him without permission.  Percy informed me that I’d have to submit an interview request.  He knew full well I’d done that so many times.  I told him this and his reply was that he didn’t care, his hands on his hips and he smiled as he said it.  I replied, my blood pressure rising, asking him if its your intent not to help me at all no matter what.  Percy replied “That’s right.  It’s not my job to help you and I’m not going to”, while pointing his finger at me for emphasis.  I had to get away from the desk quickly as what I wanted to say and do was not a good idea.  I related what happened to the guys at the dayroom table and those who’d been here for awhile nodded.  They also have had similar experiences with Percy.  Fortunately, they called property pick up for other inmates and though I wasn’t on the list I went along.  After all, the property sgt. had been decent to me.  He didn’t remember me until I said my name.  It seems he had arranged for me to get my stuff today but due to my Madison trip it hadn’t been possible.  I was so grateful I hadn’t overreacted to Percy.  Once again, this property sgt. was extremely gracious and classy.  He promised it would be there the next day. 

The following day, I was summoned to HSU where the psychiatrist met with me.  He agreed to take me off the Wellbutrin I’ve been on for 4 years but since they took away the Seroquel, wasn’t very helpful.  I’d already stopped taking the Wellbutrin for a couple of weeks but no one had said anything.  I couldn’t have done that at Jackson Correctional Institution (JCI).  I really wish I could have had this doctor to talk to on a regular basis.  I just felt confident talking to him, I almost told him about this blog.  But I didn’t.  He won’t follow me to Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF) for my ERP program.  I got back to my unit and was almost immediately told to get ready to go to property.  I was happy!  I got my boxes back to my bunk and got my TV, radio and such setup.  But there are no backs on the bunks so they are uncomfortable to watch TV on.  Everyone just deals with it.  Of course, not me!  I took my empty boxes and put them against the bars at the top of my bed, putting my back against the boxes.  Many went by and made a comment about how ugly it looked, wondering what I was doing and some telling me to break the boxes down like everyone else.  I just smiled and said nothing.  If you’ve been reading along, you know I can be a little stubborn.  Or is it independent?  The radio reception is lousy here so I took a wire from another inmate, wrapped it around the antenna and hung one end from the corner of my glasses (yes, I’m wearing them) and I got good reception.  At the end of the night I put the box on top of the TV.  So today I have Christian music, NPR, classic rock and Badger football today on my headphones as I’ve written this.  I just keep smiling as people observe me.  The difference between stubborn and independent is the attitude in you that people perceive.  At least I think so.  I’m going to go walk some laps now.  My cell mate isn’t used to me being around so much and I need the exercise.