Posts Tagged ‘personal’

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). To start off with I wanted to mention these entries may seem different to you than in the past.  The entries are shorter and I don’t engage in much reflection or commentary like I used to.  Basically its because I don’t have as much time as I used to with all the ERP work I have now.  So please bear with me.  Anyway, our ERP group started with the final 2 videos from The Price of Freedom Is Living Free by Jack D. Cooper.  It dealt with our resistance to change, responsibility, irresponsibility, respect and disrespect.  Cooper’s video and workbook thus far are by far the best I’ve seen so far despite the age (one of the main characters sports a mullet if that gives you any idea).  Ms. Grey, our ERP Group Coordinator, I think has taken advantage of my inquisitive nature I think as it seems to jump start group discussions. She’ll challenge me on something and that gets the group discussion going. I am probably more willing than some to engage her in the discussion that some others.  Today her challenge was that I was playing the role of victim by not being willing to challenge my ex-wife and daughters on decisions they made.  If you’ve been following along you know that situation was a difficult one.  I’d learned to pick my battles and by the end I was fighting for my own survival.  But its another example of things I’ve realized on my own while blogging before I got here.  I’ve got to respect and care for myself first before anything else will work.  LOL.. I should have written a book instead of blogging – as if anyone would have wanted it.  But I’m beginning to understand this groups dynamics.  Just cause I’m called out, its not personal and might be done for other people’s benefits too.  After group, I got the poster ready  with my quote for the community meeting next Wednesday.  It reads “I Love You But I’m Not Your Hostage”.  I came up with that earlier when I was realizing I really had no right to be angry with those that claimed to love me yet might seem to have forgotten me, deserted me or not done what I wanted them to do.  And of course, the idea that when I got out, I’d “punish” them by cutting them off somehow would follow.  But the point is, that’s not love, that’s blackmail and it’s a continuation of the same kind of manipulation I practiced in my relationships prior to prison.  As soon as the quote went up, people started approaching me about the quotes meaning.  Some agreed, some didn’t.  It’ll be an interesting meeting next week.  After supper, cellie Malik Pearl, appeared and announced he was out of here.  It seems that dispute between the cellies next door I told you about had gotten so bad and they decided to move the instigator and Malik asked to move.  We’ve all been getting along so his timing is curious but I certainly don’t blame him.  The guys there are friends of his and lets face it, its just a matter of time before cellie Andre Charles blows again.  But for now our cell has gotten really quiet and peaceful.  I’m going to ride that wave while it lasts!