Release Seems Imminent

(This is a note from the Sponsor’s – this entry was lost in the mail and showed up just now in April , 2012, so though Jake has been released, we wanted to add this entry for you.  Thank you)

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Wednesday was another day of awaiting our news from our ERP social worker Ms. Grey that our paperwork from our judges has been signed which will allow our parole officers to release us.  Absolutely no news or anybody except ERP group member Dean Stark.  Stark’s paperwork was the first to be returned.  While that is good news and I was happy for him, I couldn’t help but feel disappointed.  I had targeted as my hopeful release date as Monday, June 20th, but it didn’t appear that was going to happen now.  My disappointment deepened a bit more when ERP group member Scott Dietz again contacted his sister and again she looked online on CCAP and found nothing on any of us indicating any activity on our cases.  I went back to my cell and told cellie Larry Sands any hope for my release by June 20th was pretty much dead.  Then about ten minutes to four Ms. Grey had returned to the dayroom and informed me my paperwork had been signed and returned by my judge five minutes before!  She also told me she sent an email to PO, Helen Gaither, letting her know she could complete the final step to release me by sending the C-15 form anytime.  Of course my mood did a complete reversal.  Everyone in my cell know what I’d been told and they congratulated me among others in the dayroom.  Of course, there were the typical people wanting to get my canteen that I had a left over.  With it being Wednesday and canteen day, I was going to have quite a bit.  But I’ve already decided I’m taking most if not all of it with me.  I paid for it, I don’t want to deal with the begging and once I get to the house in WI, I’ll have no idea what the food situation is there.  Charles and Victoria Martin, my adoptive parents, won’t be there full time until after Charles retirement on July 17th from his church in Marquette, MI.  Besides I might need something to eat at the bus station while I await a ride from one of this blog’s sponsors.  I should have a check for my release funds and account but I have no way of knowing how to cash that.  I also will have the boxes with my stuff so I won’t be able to walk too far from them without my stuff being stolen.  The bottom line is yes, a lot can go wrong but I just don’t think it will and even if it does its still going to work out.  In theory, I could be release at any moment now but I actually think it will be Friday or possibly Monday, as I originally thought.  I’m just so very happy the wheels are in motion and grateful this long but necessary nightmare is coming to an end.

Unstoppable

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  It’s 6:46 pm on Tuesday, June 21st.  Tomorrow, probably in the morning, I will be freed.  I gave away some of my canteen to others and am trying to find boxes to pack my stuff since they took mine when I went to the hole and never returned them.  Guard Art Cole has returned after an extended absence to deal with “personal demons”.  He’s reinstated the shower list which has displease many.  I find myself watching the dayroom with a mixture of happiness and fear.  Happiness in the sense that I no longer will be dealing with this environment and fear in the sense that I know I have many struggles and battles ahead of me.  But ready or not here I go.  Today wasn’t a good day for 3 guys in my ERP group.  John Lloyd has learned the judge won’t look at his release paperwork for 3 weeks.  I can’t imagine what he must be going through.  He has spent the day talking on the phone to those he loves in angry, frustrated tones.  Larry Sands and Scott Bunker’s situation remains unchanged from yesterday.  They are handling it much better than I would have I think.  Augie Prescott left as expected today.  I missed him leaving but I’m told he was smiling.  The others beside these listed found out they will be leaving Tuesday.  Of course, nobody found out anything until our ERP social worker Ms. Grey showed up about 3 pm.  She dismissed Lloyd’s concerns, telling him brusquely the judge had 30 business days to answer.  She just doesn’t belong in this line of work.  Don’t do that in front of people when a man is desperate for anything at that point.  I tried to cheer him up to no avail.  She also didn’t do anything for Sands or Bunker either.  But I’m not going to be here to see how this turns out.  I’m watching the weather.  If you’ve been following this blog from the first day in prison to my hospital trips it seems like I always have bad weather for traveling days.  Today is thunderstorms, yesterday had flooding and tomorrow has its challenges.  But I’m not worried.  There is no weather that will keep me here!  But I’ll be ok.  After all of this, I will be unstoppable!  Just like the song said, I’ve made mistakes and not always done my best.  But with God’s help, I’m going to make it!  

Release Complications

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Monday started off just weird.  Our ERP social worker Ms. Grey had us all assemble in our former group room which doubles as the rec room.  There she informed us we need to be patient while awaiting our release paperwork to be processed and to stop having people on the outside contact the clerks for the judges involved.  The problem is none of us have any faith in her or the process involved.  It doesn’t help that the perception of Ms. Grey’s attitude has been one that seems to enjoy seeing the people in our group twist in the wind as they wait and not forthcoming with information.  As for me, I was fortunate enough not to be involved with Milwaukee County and that my parole officer (PO) had already faxed my C15 form authorizing my release for Wednesday.  I thought I was done with Ms. Grey, not quite.  I was called to come see her in the dayroom from my cell.  She wanted to know how I was getting transported from the bus station and if the PO had approved my plans.  Of course, this had been done months ago.  Then I was called down again because she had lost the Socrates assessment I had done way back at the beginning of this ERP group.  She gave me a new one to fill out.  At 1 pm she returned to collect it.  I had thought about it and decided to ask if there was some sort of problem with my release plan.  She said no. She then asked me if I was the group member that drank Everclear.  I replied no I wasn’t.  I was the guy who liked to drink alone at night.  She nodded and went away.  I’m sure she’s trying to write my case summary for my PO, Helen Gaither and her memory has failed her again.  I thought social workers would keep notes on such things.  But my problems are nothing compared to what 3 of my fellow ERP group members are dealing with.  Cellie Larry Sands has somehow had his release paperwork get lost between when records sent it the Thursday before our graduation from ERP.  Scott Bunker has had his release paperwork get put on the wrong desk because his judge had retired.  John Lloyd has had his judge involved in a murder trial so nothing was getting done.  Interestingly enough Lloyd and Bunker are Waukesha County cases.  But neither Bunker or Sands find out what is happening without the assistance of the sister of ERP group member Scott Dietz who is kind enough to follow up on their cases with phone calls and inquiries.  Lloyd had his girlfriend following up for him or he wouldn’t have found out.  They were fortunate to not have heeded Ms. Grey’s acclamation this morning.  The rest of the guys have no had their release paperwork signed.  Now they are just waiting their PO to release them.  One, Augie Prescott is getting released tomorrow (Tues, June 21st), his PO having been quick with the turn around.  Bunker did get some good news.  That ear plug that had gotten stuck worked itself out after fluid build up and pushed it out enough to where he could get it.  He still can’t hear as he feels like he’s underwater but hopefully he’ll be ok now.  I just watched TV that night.  I had figured today to be my release date almost since I got here.  But I’m not complaining, I’m grateful.  I could be going through what Sands, Bunker, or Lloyd are going through.  It really is almost over. 

It Looks Like Wednesday

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  It’s Friday and most everyone in our group is on edge awaiting news that their release paperwork has been returned by their judge having graduated the ERP.  It’s been 7 days since then.  Past groups that have graduated have always had more progress on getting people their paperwork than we have.  In addition, Milwaukee County has always been the slowest in processing this paperwork for past groups even though the courthouse is literally across the street.  My paperwork returned from Winnebago County on Wednesday and it’s a couple hours from here.  ERP group member Dean Stark became the first of the 10 of us to be released.  He left with no boxes just some papers in a bag.  I would be the next to get some news.  My C15 form authorizing MSDF to release me was sent by my parole officer (PO) Helen Gaither.  But the order was postdated for Wednesday June 22nd.  As our ERP social worker Ms. Grey informed me I admit to feeling disappointment at first.  I was hoping against hope to get released today or since Monday isn’t possible, Tuesday at the latest.  But as Ms. Grey walked away from me, I realized though I’m not getting out when I want, the fact the guesswork when I’m being released has been eliminated which rarely happens in this program.  As she left me, ERP group member Kevin House inquired if there was any news.  She told him “not to worry about it, you’re not going anywhere”.  You may as well have kicked him in the stomach because those words didn’t hurt any less.  What is she thinking?  This seems humorous to her, how the rats in the cage keep trying to find the way out.  We spent the rest of the day talking amongst ourselves off and on about what might be happening that is preventing the rest of the guys in our group paperwork from being processed.  At supper I again noticed the guard on duty reading my Green Bay Press Gazette before I got it.  Oh well.  At mail call I was delighted to again hear from my biological family.  My cousin expressed concern that I stay in touch after my release.  Are you kidding me?  I wrote back.  I’ve spent years looking for them.  No way am I going to stop talking to them. They like the idea of me visiting over Thanksgiving if I can arrange it.  They also want my phone number too which I should get when I pick up a cell phone on my way to my new home for the moment in Menasha, Wi.  I also heard from my friend Jill who has been following this blog almost since it started.  She is from Australia and has become a good friend.  She invited me to Sydney, Australia!  Of course, I suspect this would violate my parole!  But maybe someday.  I also want to see Israel and the West Bank someday as there is so much there related to my faith.  But that will have to wait too.  The day ended with ERP group member Scott Dietz again talking to his sister and again the same result.  No action on their cases.  Everyone says it doesn’t bother them but their eyes betray them.  I am grateful that it will soon be over. 

Release Isn’t Imminent

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Thursday started off with high hopes that the day would end with me being a free man, sleeping in a bed of my own after having eaten real food.  As you may have guessed, it didn’t happen.  Nothing of significance happened again until the afternoon, when our ERP social worker Ms. Grey dropped by.  She told Dean Stark he was being picked up tomorrow (Friday).  No word for me or anybody else though.  I asked her about the email she said she had sent to my parole officer (PO), Helen Gaither and she needed to be prompted until she remembered.  She didn’t answer whether or not the email had been answered just saying that “my paperwork is not back yet!”  She just isn’t very forthcoming with information, almost as she seems to enjoy seeing us squirm while waiting for information.  But that wasn’t all the bad news.  The blog sponsor who is to pick me up at the bus station will be unable to pick me up this coming Monday due to work requirements.  As much as I don’t want anything to delay my departure I asked my sponsor to contact my PO and let Ms. Gaither know I wouldn’t have a ride on Monday.  I also asked to find out if Ms. Gaither got the email from Ms. Grey.  My confidence in Ms. Grey continued to be shaken as she handed out a piece of paper wanting to know what the address we were going to be released to was.  It seems no one could be released without that information in the system.  I had asked about this last week but she indicated she didn’t know how MSDF would get this info.  But this should have been done weeks ago. Since today was Thursday, it was Community Meeting day.  Though we have graduated, we are still required to attend though none of us participated. They were breaking in a new meeting leader so it was a bit chaotic.  One thing of interest was they are changing the ERP program schedule.  Now starting at 8 am groups will start and somehow all the groups will spend at least an hour a day in the smelly rec room that our group has used for a  group room for the last 6 months.  That was quite interesting to my group.  But all of this uncertainty with release has me in a foul mood.  I think its anxiety finding its voice or crankiness.  I try to keep reminding myself that its almost over and that they have to let me go at some point.  It’s just not easy to do. 

The Difference Between Disgrace and Shame

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Sometimes I’m not so bright.  In fact, I can make just stupid decisions.  When I was a child my arm was broken.  The arm was never set properly and as a result the arm has always given me some discomfort.  The last few months however; the pain has steadily grown where I have to work around it for such tasks as putting on a shirt.  So I put in a medical request form. I suggested that perhaps the lack of exercise is causing the pain, as up until a year ago I was being treated for cancer and I didn’t exercise much and since then I’ve done very little.  But with my impending release on Wednesday, I didn’t make a  good choice ignoring the pain.  To my surprise, I was actually seen on Sunday by a nurse right here on the unit.  The nurse decided to see me because of my history of cancer.  She determined the kind of bone issue I described shouldn’t be ignored.  Just another example of the usually positive experience I’ve had with health practitioners while I’ve been in prison.  She decided to refer me to the doctor without performing tests.  But she did take a history of how it happened, asking why I didn’t address this years ago when I had insurance and why I waited until now.  Truth was I didn’t want to answer the questions people would have asked related to how it happened, my usual honesty and shame issues.  Hopefully, I don’t continue that pattern.  One nice thing about all my family and friends knowing I went to prison is all pretense is gone.  The truth will be revealed eventually whether you want it to or not.  The fact I had problems is now known to them.  How will they react to me?  How will I react to them?  I am going to try, despite the loss of family, possessions, career, and money, to hold my head high.  The difference between disgrace and shame would be failing to learn the lessons shame has taught.  It will be a struggle, make no mistake about that.  Charles and Victoria Martin, my adoptive parents, have his retirement celebration coming up July 17th where family friends and acquaintances from years gone by will be in attendance.  We’ll see then if my words here mean anything.  The rest of the weekend was uneventful.  ERP group member Scott Dietz had his paperwork signed by a Milwaukee County judge on a weekend.  He also inquired about me building websites for his businesses.  I’m suspicious of any contact with people from here or promises made but I said sure I’m interested but I’ll need a couple of months to get my feet on the ground.  But I almost believe him.  I talked to my adoptive parents on Sunday as well.  They have the bed I slept on as a kid setup in the basement and some simple foodstuffs put up for me there.  The internet will be turned on June 25th so I can get to catching up on my Information Technology and programming skills.  They gave my parole officer (PO) Helen Gaither the house key which I can get from her on Wednesday but left a door open in the event by the time I get to Menasha, WI after business hours.  Of course this tells me the PO and my adoptive parents have been meeting and talking.  That makes me a little nervous.  But everything seems set.  Wednesday can’t get here soon enough!

A Different Kind of Stinger

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  I expected Tuesday to be another day of waiting for my ERP social worker Ms. Grey to walk through those steel doors with the word that my judge had signed my amended judgment of conviction permitting my release from prison since I have now graduated the ERP.  Tuesday didn’t disappoint as I did do a lot of waiting.  We did get some weirdness go on though.  Starting with the first count in the morning, cellie Scar Johnson talked right in front of the guard as he was counting us.  The guard was more shocked than anything I think that Scar was so brazen in his disregard for his authority and the procedures for count.  But that was the end of it or so it seems.  Trust me though the guard involved wont’ forget.  A little later the other guard inspected a cell and found a stinger.  A stinger are melted prongs stacked inside an electrical cord which is stuck in water with salt.  The cord the plugs into the wall.  The salt water then heats up soda bottles full of water.  Inmates use those bottles for coffee or refried beans.  Most prisons provide a microwave to inmates so this isn’t necessary.  But not at MSDF.  Supposedly, if you get caught with a stinger, its supposed to be an automatic trip to the hole.  But nothing came out of it thus far for the inmates in that cell.  This guard then went from cell to cell looking at everything that was plugged into a socket checking to see if one of the prongs were removed.  of course, you can make a stinger with any metal you can fit into the electrical cord holes (a radio cord is often used).  Wire from a notebook, paper clips and so on.  So the point of the search was a little lost on cellie Larry Sands and I.  Anyway, a little later on, the lock for the door on the cell next door wouldn’t open for any key.  Maintenance had to be called and the inmates in that cell had to hang out in the dayroom.  Of course, another guard had to stand up their with the worker as he worked on the door to ensure no tools were taken.  But the event we were all waiting for didn’t happen for anyone – getting word from Ms. Grey if our paperwork had been signed by the judge.  ERP group member Scott Dietz called his sister and had her check on all ten of us on CCAP to see if any activity occurred on our cases.  There was some confusion on her part whether or not she was looking in the right place.  I got on the phone and tried to help.  Still, no signs of activity on CCAP.  I’m ok though.  I know it’s going to happen so I’m not going to get worked up.   It’s just a matter of time. 

The Proof Is In The Pudding

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Nothing much happened the weekend after our ERP Group graduated.  Two minor incidents would have implications later on.  First, cellie Scar Johnson began talking trash about me in the dayroom.  I got word of this from cellie Larry Sands.  I just didn’t care as I’ve come to know the person he is and since I’m almost out of here opinions here matter even less than it did to me before.  Second, cellie Jose Michaels had the occasion to be playing his music louder than normal.  He likes a Puerto Rican style of rap which I don’t care for.  But the way it has worked in our cell up to this point is we use our headphones for electronics.  It’s a respect thing as not everyone likes what another might.  So, I asked him to turn it down which he did.  End of story right?  Not exactly.  Come Monday, it started similar to when I first got to MSDF.  Lots of TV, took a shower and read.  It’s so nice to not have to wait in line for the shower now!  But during the day, our ERP social worker Ms. Grey came by and summoned us to the dayroom.  I hoped against hope she got word our judges had already signed our paperwork, but no such luck.  Though she hadn’t felt the need to go through our Phase III evaluations, she brought our Phase 3 evaluations for our signature.  Glancing through mine, the ratings were generally positive, but the true reflection of how she felt laid in the comments she made.  She mentioned how I went to the hole because of this blog but also mentions that though I never received any kind of discipline for it I seem to always have to have the last word and that I didn’t seem to grasp the basic tenants of the ERP program.  I read this and briefly agreed.  I was helping at her request other inmates with their goals for crying out loud!  But I wasn’t going to make any headway here, certainly not with all those other group members standing around.  It felt vindictive, almost retaliatory on her part.  Of course, this doesn’t change anything about my status as having completed the ERP program.  The only downside is this eval will go to my parole officer (PO), Helen Gaither.  There’s a good chance she won’t even read it.  But at the time I admit to being angry.  I was even more angry when Sands returned and told me Ms. Grey asked him if he regretted moving to this cell.  When he said no, she asked if he was sure.  Again he said no.  I sat there fuming.  I went about my business thinking about all this.  I got in a better mood though when Michaels came around.  He has such a positive attitude, you can’t help but not be down around him.  We got to talking and he told me that he had been unhappy when I asked him to turn down the music and that he can’t wait till Sands and I leave so he can run the show in this cell and they can be bad as they want in there.  He was decent about it and he demonstrated respect by seeing we had a way of doing things before he got here.  But I’ll still be glad I won’t be here for that collision between Scar and Michaels!  But I’ll close with some comments about what Ms. Grey did.  Its good I always wait before I write these entries.  It allows perspective to form.  But to be honest, I’ve been unhappy with my writing for this blog while at MSDF.  I have had one hour a day to write whereas at other institutions I had tons of time.  I’m also unhappy with my time at MSDF.  I grew as a person much more while at DCI, JCI, and FMCI.  Though MSDF and ERP were largely negative influences in my life, ultimately I’m responsible for my own growth or lack thereof.  So I have to accept responsibility for that.  It’s not Ms. Grey, MSDF, cellies or others fault.  But I will say I do look forward to a more positive atmosphere that I will create out in the world.  The proof is in the pudding as they say.  I believe that with God’s help, I will be successful even if it does look overwhelming now. 

Trying To Control Others

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  We are only one day away from the graduation of our ERP group.  Our ERP social worker Ms. Grey called us into the rec room that doubles as our group room and asks us if we have any last minute concerns or questions.  She did confirm that records would be sending our paperwork to our judges, who will modify our sentences to allow immediate release since we have completed the ERP program.  She dropped off a sample program for our graduation project.  It really was pretty awful.  But what are you going to do?  Then the title letters for the project that ERP group member Russ Johnson did on the computer weren’t a dark enough yellow that could be read on the black background.  So ERP group member John Lloyd was left to trace letters by hand.  He wasn’t happy.  To be honest, the whole thing looks pretty awful.  But it is what it is and it really doesn’t matter.  Of a more immediate concern was the relationship between cellies Malcolm Johnson and Larry Sands.  Malcolm’s immediate concern was how Sands would use his feet to change the channel (he is on the top bunk, Malcolm is on the bottom) and how if Sands would leave his hands a certain way it would interfere with his TV reception.  Sands interpreted it as Malcolm trying to control him.  Malcolm made the mistake of trashing him to other inmates who were friendly to Sands.  One called Sands over and asked him about what Malcolm said and of course Sands got on his case again.  It just makes the cell tension filled.  But I’m rolling my eyes.  My thoughts are on the world outside of here, of what I need to do and the missing pieces of that puzzle.  I’m excited yet unsure.  At mail call I got another mailing from the court regarding my daughter, Lexi.  She is officially being charged with a misdemeanor disorderly conduct.  It was pretty clear her mother, Barb is up to her old tricks.  Just as she did with me many years ago, she pushes and pushes until the other person breaks.  Then she calls the police.  I’ve got to get myself squared away so I can at least be a place she can go to blow off steam.  I can keep the cycle we have seen happening with my families from happening again.  I’ve got to at least try.  We had our community meeting at 3 as we usually do.  Nothing really went on there either. But I’m ready to graduate.  Let’s do this.  

Hot As A…..

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Wednesday came one degree away from setting another record for June 8th – 92 degrees with the same high humidity.  It got to the point where they pulled out the huge mobile fans and the ice machine went dry.  They had to put restrictions on ice as the machine created more, not allowing anything but cups to be filled.  The point is, it was hot again.  The tape put over the vent by cellie Larry Sands didn’t help at all.  Since it was Wednesday there were no ERP groups for anybody.  Despite the heat, we were still required to wear the yellow tops in the dayroom or in the rooms.  Guard Roscoe Peters showed some degree of compassion by looking the other way at inmates who didn’t wear the tops in their rooms until our ERP social worker Ms. Grey showed up.  Despite having told us previously not to stay in the dayroom all the time she insisted everyone do so now because she saw one inmate in his bunk.  I was already grouchy as it was and this didn’t help.  Then ERP group member Mark Hogan told several of us that our paperwork for release was not going to be sent to our judges until Monday per Ms. Grey.  All the other groups until now have had their paperwork submitted the day before graduation by the Records Department because the person in that job didn’t’ work Fridays.  The unit manager happened to be on the unit having his ear filled by cellie Malcolm Johnson about the perceived injustices done to him.  Sands, Scott Dietz, and I approached the unit manager.  Sands acted as spokesman.  After reiterating the issue the unit manager seemed to not have an answer.  He is new here so that didn’t surprise me.  Speaking of Sands, it looks like Waukesha County is going to come get him for the warrant he has.  Its an unpaid fine for a years old obstruction ticket.  He wrote the judge asking him that it be made concurrent with his prison sentence but it was denied.  Anyway, things were still up in the air as far as our release paperwork is concerned.  On top of the heat and everything else, I also found out ERP group member Scott Bunker has got another problem.  Us inmates often use earplugs when we sleep to drown out the noise cellies or guards make with electronics or slamming doors, etc.  Well the tip of one broke off and got shoved deep into his ear.  Health services here said they couldn’t see it and if he asked about it again they would refer him to psych services while also charging him twice the $7.50 copay.  Turns out, not only is it there, the tip of the earplug is going to have to be surgically removed!  With our impending release I wonder how they’ll handle that?  The night ended as it began. Hot and humid but at least there is relief in store tomorrow.