Posts Tagged ‘paper’


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Thursday started off with high hopes that the day would end with me being a free man, sleeping in a bed of my own after having eaten real food.  As you may have guessed, it didn’t happen.  Nothing of significance happened again until the afternoon, when our ERP social worker Ms. Grey dropped by.  She told Dean Stark he was being picked up tomorrow (Friday).  No word for me or anybody else though.  I asked her about the email she said she had sent to my parole officer (PO), Helen Gaither and she needed to be prompted until she remembered.  She didn’t answer whether or not the email had been answered just saying that “my paperwork is not back yet!”  She just isn’t very forthcoming with information, almost as she seems to enjoy seeing us squirm while waiting for information.  But that wasn’t all the bad news.  The blog sponsor who is to pick me up at the bus station will be unable to pick me up this coming Monday due to work requirements.  As much as I don’t want anything to delay my departure I asked my sponsor to contact my PO and let Ms. Gaither know I wouldn’t have a ride on Monday.  I also asked to find out if Ms. Gaither got the email from Ms. Grey.  My confidence in Ms. Grey continued to be shaken as she handed out a piece of paper wanting to know what the address we were going to be released to was.  It seems no one could be released without that information in the system.  I had asked about this last week but she indicated she didn’t know how MSDF would get this info.  But this should have been done weeks ago. Since today was Thursday, it was Community Meeting day.  Though we have graduated, we are still required to attend though none of us participated. They were breaking in a new meeting leader so it was a bit chaotic.  One thing of interest was they are changing the ERP program schedule.  Now starting at 8 am groups will start and somehow all the groups will spend at least an hour a day in the smelly rec room that our group has used for a  group room for the last 6 months.  That was quite interesting to my group.  But all of this uncertainty with release has me in a foul mood.  I think its anxiety finding its voice or crankiness.  I try to keep reminding myself that its almost over and that they have to let me go at some point.  It’s just not easy to do. 

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I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  I expected Tuesday to be another day of waiting for my ERP social worker Ms. Grey to walk through those steel doors with the word that my judge had signed my amended judgment of conviction permitting my release from prison since I have now graduated the ERP.  Tuesday didn’t disappoint as I did do a lot of waiting.  We did get some weirdness go on though.  Starting with the first count in the morning, cellie Scar Johnson talked right in front of the guard as he was counting us.  The guard was more shocked than anything I think that Scar was so brazen in his disregard for his authority and the procedures for count.  But that was the end of it or so it seems.  Trust me though the guard involved wont’ forget.  A little later the other guard inspected a cell and found a stinger.  A stinger are melted prongs stacked inside an electrical cord which is stuck in water with salt.  The cord the plugs into the wall.  The salt water then heats up soda bottles full of water.  Inmates use those bottles for coffee or refried beans.  Most prisons provide a microwave to inmates so this isn’t necessary.  But not at MSDF.  Supposedly, if you get caught with a stinger, its supposed to be an automatic trip to the hole.  But nothing came out of it thus far for the inmates in that cell.  This guard then went from cell to cell looking at everything that was plugged into a socket checking to see if one of the prongs were removed.  of course, you can make a stinger with any metal you can fit into the electrical cord holes (a radio cord is often used).  Wire from a notebook, paper clips and so on.  So the point of the search was a little lost on cellie Larry Sands and I.  Anyway, a little later on, the lock for the door on the cell next door wouldn’t open for any key.  Maintenance had to be called and the inmates in that cell had to hang out in the dayroom.  Of course, another guard had to stand up their with the worker as he worked on the door to ensure no tools were taken.  But the event we were all waiting for didn’t happen for anyone – getting word from Ms. Grey if our paperwork had been signed by the judge.  ERP group member Scott Dietz called his sister and had her check on all ten of us on CCAP to see if any activity occurred on our cases.  There was some confusion on her part whether or not she was looking in the right place.  I got on the phone and tried to help.  Still, no signs of activity on CCAP.  I’m ok though.  I know it’s going to happen so I’m not going to get worked up.   It’s just a matter of time. 


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  One part of the ERP program is we are required to do a detailed report on our drug of choice.  I’m told other ERP programs in WPS had access to a lot of resources to do these reports that we don’t have here at MSDF.  That combined with the fact that this is an OWI group which meant that everyone’s drug of choice was alcohol meant that all of the reports sounded the same and contained identical statistical information.  So yeah it was a little boring but we had to go through the motions.  Even our ERP group leader Ms. Grey has acknowledged that the lack of resources limits the ability for her to provide a productive group experience.  Anyway, after these reports were read we proceeded to our self evaluations for Phase II, like we had done for Phase I.  Group members Dean Stark and Russ Johnson had learned their lesson to not rate themselves too highly with Johnson probably going overboard the other way.  I had rated myself a 4 on a scale of 1 to 15 on being social with peers and the group said I should mark it down to a 3.  They were right of course.  On interaction with staff I rated myself a 4 but ERP group member Scott Dietz said sarcastically I’d had a lot of staff interaction lately referring to my trip to the hole.  The rating stood.  Dietz has been making a lot of snide remarks since my return from the hole.  It might be because of this blog but as Johnson put it to me when he said not to take it personally as this is just the way he is.  That is true.  In the afternoon session we started out with wearing “beer goggles” which are supposed to simulate different levels of intoxication.  We went out into the dayroom where we pulled the tables and chairs aside and put tape on the floor and attempted to do the heel to toe walk police do for a DUI test.  And who should be running all of this but intern Nikita!  She has been very quiet and reserved for the most part.  But she conducted herself quite well for the most part.  While the exercise was funny, it reminded me of the failed tests I’d had my previous arrest.  ERP group member Mark Hogan pretended to accidentally run into Nikita but she didn’t let it phase her.  The group was testing her which was pretty clear.  After Ms. Grey, who had taken a couple group members on parole officer (PO) calls, we did more tests.  We setup the chairs as an obstacle course, tried to balance a ruler on a fingertip, and threw a ball back and forth between us.  All of them demonstrated our lack of coordination and muscle/eye cooperation.  Though the goggles really weren’t realistic it made the point at least for me.  We had time left over so then we watched what Ms. Grey said was the last movie we had to watch called First Time Felon.  This movie was about a younger man (Omar Epps) involved in gang life who gets a second chance by going through boot camp, the struggles he has after getting out and his eventual realization of his goal to be an inner city youth counselor.  It was a good movie.  We were given a reaction paper to write due for Monday.  This weekend is Easter so Monday is a furlough day but none of us knew that until later.  But the bottom line is another week is done, which is 19 of 26.  I thank God for getting me through another one.


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Continuing to deal with the ripple effects of having been sent to the hole.  I told ERP group leader Ms. Grey about the loss of my journal and she said I should send an information request to Captain Nickelaus to get it back.  That night it was returned to me before he saw my request along with letters I’d gotten and my autobiography.  I was upset they’d read that as part of their investigation but with me having put large parts of it on this blog there really wasn’t any reason to be.  But the captain responded saying he didn’t know why Ms. Grey would tell him that as he wasn’t the “Property problem solver”.  I am still awaiting word from property to get my boxes back to get my stuff off the floor and have something to pack them in when I leave.  On Wednesday, no groups are scheduled and it was a training day.  Guard Roscoe Peters has returned to work.  Inmates reported to me that he was telling everyone how hard a time he was going to give me because of the name of “Roscoe” he’d been assigned on this blog.  Apparently other guards and inmates alike had been giving him a hard time about it, implying the inspiration behind it had been the sheriff on the Dukes of Hazard television show.  Though I could see why they might draw that conclusion it was erroneous.  A name like “Roscoe” implies to me a character with personality and is unique which is why I gave him that alias.  If you’ve followed along, you have seen that too.  But nothing from Peters has been directed to me.  Probably inmate exaggerations as usual.  I had a good talk with soon to be retired guard Ruth Barthowski relating to spiritual matters.  It turns out she is an atheist.  She shared where her beliefs come from and I tried to show another view of Christ not so wrapped up in what humans do.  I didn’t get anywhere but we’d agreed we’d meet for coffee once I was out.  I hope to be able to reach her.  On Thursday, we presented our Phase II Goals and Objectives.  My first goal was to explore the possibility of my having some kind of obsessive compulsive disorder by writing an essay on the book Stop Obsessing How to Overcome Your Obsessions and Compulsions by Edna Foa and Reid Wilson.  Ms. Grey though I might.  I didn’t see it other than I like routine in my life but not entirely sure that isn’t normal.  But it was informative.  My second goal was to write a paper on how I’ve used alcohol to avoid relationships.  I came to the conclusion that I used alcohol to avoid honesty about me to others in my life as I was afraid for them to know there was anything wrong.  Not earth shattering like the Phase I Goals and Objectives but good.  Perhaps the most obvious and profound change has occurred in Scott Bunker.  He has gone from being a self pitying intolerant person to being very in tune with himself and obviously happy.  He still has that catheter by the way after more than 3 weeks!  They’ve just got to get that scheduled to be taken out.  One bump in the road occurred when ERP group member and cellie Larry Sands , when he read his essay on abandonment and Ms. Grey challenged him on why he hadn’t kept a log like some others had on things related to this issue.  Sands hadn’t been assigned to on his goal sheet and explained that which didn’t appease Ms. Grey.  He was told to do so.  Sands pulled her aside and would tell me later Ms. Grey said she was hard on him because she was tired of seeing black men come back to prison.  But he doesn’t believe that, he believes it’s a personal dislike.  However at the community meeting and at the end of group, Ms. Grey told us all how good we were doing and how we obviously are working the program.  None of us can figure out why this positive vibe has been coming from her.  But its really remarkable.  At the community meeting I was assigned the defensive mechanism skit for next week which everyone has to do once.  We were told then we had to have our alcohol report done by Friday (tomorrow), 3 pages long.  I’ll tell you more about this report next time as it’s kind of a messed up situation.  I got it done.  Those few days in the hold put me behind a bit but I’ve now recovered. 


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  I’m still dealing with the ripple effect from my trip to the hole.  The guards that packed my stuff were not gentle and had destroyed all my boxes which I had used to store my things here.  They put it all in brown paper bags.  I don’t know how I’m going to carry that stuff out of here when I leave in about 60 days.  One thing is for sure as well.  I’m probably the only person in the history of the WPS to go to the hole for blogging related reasons.  Not exactly good for my cred with other inmates you know?  I can’t even picture myself explaining it.  Of course I’m kidding.  But these were thoughts going through my head.  I spoke with my adoptive parents Charles and Victoria Martin and while I was in the hole they had discussions with my parole officer Gayle Gaither and they were going to put a phone line in for my electronic monitoring device.  Gaither also told them she approved me to attend his retirement party and services in Michigan in mid-July.  Charles says farewell to his career as a full-time minister.  They they dropped a bombshell on me.  It seems my ex-wife and former step-children will be there as well.  Boy, with that, just getting out of prison and dealing with all sorts of family and friends from over the years that weekend, its making me already wish I could hide on that weekend.  But that’s not an option.  The anxiety junkie has just got to suck it up for the sake of my adoptive father and the family.  Another loose end left over prior to going to the hole was the response to my biological family letter.  My aunt had revealed that my biological father and her “had protected each other” as children and basically I shouldn’t be so hard on him for the things that happened and she was sorry they hadn’t been there to protect me and my half-brother.  My response wasn’t based on what I’ve learned but on instinct.  I pray it was the right one.  I asked when and if she was comfortable to share what happened to her and him as kids so I might understand him.  I also told her I’m not angry at all with them for not protecting me and the domino effect of all this through the years.  Between you and me I probably was angry at them somewhat over time.  But I sense we’re right at the edge of something huge here and it could be life changing for all of us.  After that, it was another rough night of sleep.  Perhaps all of this stress with things like my release, adopted family, biological family, and ripple effect from the blog being discovered is getting to me.  It’s a different kind of stress than paying the bills and going to work everyday but its real nonetheless.  The topic today for the ERP group coincidentally was domestic violence.  Our ERP group leader Ms. Grey was again very upbeat.  She also pointed out much of the lack of dynamics in our ERP group was our refusal to challenge each other.  She’s right of course.  We watched videos depicting various people who hurt the women in their lives.  I shared my biological father’s cycle of violence since it was already on my mind.  At the end of the day, Ms. Grey indicated I’d only have to make up one module I missed while I was in the hole.  She also indicated our Phase II goals and objectives would have to be presented this week so I’ll need to get busy on that. 


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  I woke up in segregation, also known as “The Hole”, with a much different reality than the one I knew less than 10 hours before.  The night had been quiet much to my surprise as the stories I’d heard about seg said it was loud all the time but as you might expect I didn’t sleep well anyway.  New environments and uncertainty are a huge feeding ground for the anxiety junkie in me to gorge on.  But it was different this time.  I had confidence that I’d come out of this okay, mostly because I felt like I’d done nothing wrong writing for this blog.  I’d conducted myself in a reputable manner, never putting staff or inmates at any kind of risk and being truthful to the best of my knowledge without being vulgar in the process.  I’ve grown and learned a lot as a result and a lot of others have found our efforts useful.  I just didn’t want to believe I”d have to do another 18 months because of this.  Breakfast came in a brown paper bag, the same breakfast on my unit.  But here in Seg, the guards are the ones wearing hairnets and hats, stuffing the breakfast bags and distributing meal trays from us through trap doors in our cells.  Often they have no swamper assistance.  My faith everything was going to come out alright was tested later in the day on Saturday when a guard showed up at my cell wanting my signature for my property.  They’d packed up all my stuff out of my unit.  I wondered if they’d gone through all of that if there was a possibility I’d be coming back to ERP.  I signed it despite not knowing if all the stuff is really there.  I’d seen what can happen when someone goes to the hole, how his supposed friends can rip him off.  I expressed my concerns about my losing my bunk on the ERP unit and what it might mean to guard Sam Neville, the regular 2nd shift guard in Seg on 5A.  He assured me this was standard procedure for anyone going to the hole.  Again he put me at ease.  He also told me he was sure the DOC and MSDF simply didn’t know what to do in this situation as it was something they hadn’t encountered before.  So I would spend the next few days sleeping, pacing the floor, reading my Bible and reading the book The Last Disciple by Hangeraaff and Brower, which incidentally are both excellent books!  Surrounding me in the cells were people representing the extremes of violence and insanity.  Every once in awhile, only when the lights were turned on after 11 am and always on 2nd shift someone would do something which would require 5 to 8 guards to come running to intervene shouting of “Stop Resisting!” as they struggled with the offender.  One such incident the inmate tried to pull Neville through the meal slot in the door which was a physical impossibility.  Another situation when he was trying to move an inmate to another cell, the inmate decided to start kicking him.  In trying to subdue him, one guard was injured using the Taser on him.  The inmate ran around his cell naked which of course everyone saw thanks to the fishbowl mirrors on the walls.  The other inmates cheered.  It was funny yet sad.  The supervisor who would visit him told him he was facing a year in the hole for assaulting staff.  Could you imagine a year of this?  You get 4 hours of rec a week.  Rec consisted of going into a cage a quarter of the size of my cell with a TV on the wall which the guard had the remote for.  On the other side was another gate.  I met a man who was suicidal and an avowed racist on different days. It was just good to have conversation that wasn’t through a door.  I finally got to shower on Monday in my cell.  I got a few visitors.  Dr. Raymonds, a psychiatrist, the psychologist who met with ERP group member Larry Sands and Seg social worker Peter Botha.  All came because unnamed people had expressed concern for my well being.  That made me feel good and was surprising considering how little I say.  But Tuesday came and went with no word if I’d be released.  I even said to Neville, hey you said I’d be out of here by now!  But I knew he didn’t know why either.  Finally, on Thursday night the call I’d been waiting for came.  I was told to pack up and return to my unit.  Boy was I happy!  I was pretty sure everyone there knew about the blog by now.  This place can’t keep a secret to save its life.  How would they all react?  I was nervous but what are you going to do?  The important thing was no institutional charges and I’d get to finish my ERP program.  I said a silent prayer thanking God for answering my prayers as they led my back to my unit on 4C.


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  I actually ventured out this weekend and socialized a bit, playing ping pong on the table in the rec room that doubles as the location where our ERP group meets.  I always thought the smell of body odor was strong when our group met during the day but when the rec room weight machines are in use its almost overwhelming.  But like most things you adjust.  I lost every single ping pong game, including two to cellie Brian Whalen and one to cellie Larry Sands.  I used to be pretty good years ago but ping pong is all about touch and if you don’t have it your going to lose.  I spoke with my adoptive parents about initially staying with them when I get out or trying to find a way to make it at a shelter or finding a way to find a halfway house but we really didn’t resolve anything.  Come Monday shortly after 9:30 am, our ERP leader Ms. Grey and intern Nikita came in.  We are again doing the previously abandoned breathing exercises, but now its voluntary to participate.  Afterwards, we got into the evils of sugar and The Harmful Effects of Sugar on Mind and Body (squar is right!) followed by materials on The Harmful Effects of Caffeine and on Caffeine and your Adrenals – could they be paying dearly?, which targets women.  Since we’re all men, this confused us a bit.  Quite frankly, we were all wondering why we were looking at sugar and caffeine issues.  After lunch the next topic wasn’t much better – tobacco.  Most of us had previously smoked cigarettes, but this topic drew a lot of annoyed looks.  I have to  admit I was pretty restless too.  The video targeted junior high kids and said cigarettes cost $23 a carton.  Ok, probably in 1987 that might have been true!  At the end we took a test which I did ok on.  But no worries on me smoking.  Its too expensive now and it would be very bad for my health.  After supper though, I got something that made my day.  At mail call, my sponsors had sent me a letter.  There was a note from 3 high school students who are doing an English paper on prison efficiency and effectiveness and were using this blog as a reference.  I wrote back saying I’d love to help and read their paper when they’re done.  Maybe I’ll even publish it here.  It made me feel good this blog has helped others as it has for the past 15 months.  But mostly it’s helped me.  I wish every inmate has had the opportunity my sponsors provided me.