I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). It’s 6:46 pm on Tuesday, June 21st. Tomorrow, probably in the morning, I will be freed. I gave away some of my canteen to others and am trying to find boxes to pack my stuff since they took mine when I went to the hole and never returned them. Guard Art Cole has returned after an extended absence to deal with “personal demons”. He’s reinstated the shower list which has displease many. I find myself watching the dayroom with a mixture of happiness and fear. Happiness in the sense that I no longer will be dealing with this environment and fear in the sense that I know I have many struggles and battles ahead of me. But ready or not here I go. Today wasn’t a good day for 3 guys in my ERP group. John Lloyd has learned the judge won’t look at his release paperwork for 3 weeks. I can’t imagine what he must be going through. He has spent the day talking on the phone to those he loves in angry, frustrated tones. Larry Sands and Scott Bunker’s situation remains unchanged from yesterday. They are handling it much better than I would have I think. Augie Prescott left as expected today. I missed him leaving but I’m told he was smiling. The others beside these listed found out they will be leaving Tuesday. Of course, nobody found out anything until our ERP social worker Ms. Grey showed up about 3 pm. She dismissed Lloyd’s concerns, telling him brusquely the judge had 30 business days to answer. She just doesn’t belong in this line of work. Don’t do that in front of people when a man is desperate for anything at that point. I tried to cheer him up to no avail. She also didn’t do anything for Sands or Bunker either. But I’m not going to be here to see how this turns out. I’m watching the weather. If you’ve been following this blog from the first day in prison to my hospital trips it seems like I always have bad weather for traveling days. Today is thunderstorms, yesterday had flooding and tomorrow has its challenges. But I’m not worried. There is no weather that will keep me here! But I’ll be ok. After all of this, I will be unstoppable! Just like the song said, I’ve made mistakes and not always done my best. But with God’s help, I’m going to make it!
Posts Tagged ‘Just’
Unstoppable
Posted: January 14, 2012 in UncategorizedTags: absence, Augie, avail, Bunker, Cole, dayroom, demons, Detention, environment, Grey, Guard, Hospital, Institution, John, June, Just, Larry, Lloyd, Milwaukee, mixture, MSDF, paperwork, Prescott, Prison, Program, Release, Sands, Scott, Secure, situation, song, System, thunderstorms, Unstoppable, Wisconsin, worker
The Difference Between Disgrace and Shame
Posted: January 10, 2012 in UncategorizedTags: adoptive, attendance, basement, cancer, celebration, Charles, decisions, Detention, didn, Dietz, difference, discomfort, Disgrace, door, event, example, fact, feet, foodstuffs, Gaither, Health, Helen, history, hours, Information, Institution, insurance, June, Just, lessons, Martin, member, Menasha, Milwaukee, money, months, MSDF, officer, paperwork, parents, possessions, practitioners, Prison, Program, Release, retirement, Scott, Secure, setup, Shame, shirt, skills, Sometimes, System, tasks, Technology, Truth, Unit, Victoria, Wisconsin
I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). Sometimes I’m not so bright. In fact, I can make just stupid decisions. When I was a child my arm was broken. The arm was never set properly and as a result the arm has always given me some discomfort. The last few months however; the pain has steadily grown where I have to work around it for such tasks as putting on a shirt. So I put in a medical request form. I suggested that perhaps the lack of exercise is causing the pain, as up until a year ago I was being treated for cancer and I didn’t exercise much and since then I’ve done very little. But with my impending release on Wednesday, I didn’t make a good choice ignoring the pain. To my surprise, I was actually seen on Sunday by a nurse right here on the unit. The nurse decided to see me because of my history of cancer. She determined the kind of bone issue I described shouldn’t be ignored. Just another example of the usually positive experience I’ve had with health practitioners while I’ve been in prison. She decided to refer me to the doctor without performing tests. But she did take a history of how it happened, asking why I didn’t address this years ago when I had insurance and why I waited until now. Truth was I didn’t want to answer the questions people would have asked related to how it happened, my usual honesty and shame issues. Hopefully, I don’t continue that pattern. One nice thing about all my family and friends knowing I went to prison is all pretense is gone. The truth will be revealed eventually whether you want it to or not. The fact I had problems is now known to them. How will they react to me? How will I react to them? I am going to try, despite the loss of family, possessions, career, and money, to hold my head high. The difference between disgrace and shame would be failing to learn the lessons shame has taught. It will be a struggle, make no mistake about that. Charles and Victoria Martin, my adoptive parents, have his retirement celebration coming up July 17th where family friends and acquaintances from years gone by will be in attendance. We’ll see then if my words here mean anything. The rest of the weekend was uneventful. ERP group member Scott Dietz had his paperwork signed by a Milwaukee County judge on a weekend. He also inquired about me building websites for his businesses. I’m suspicious of any contact with people from here or promises made but I said sure I’m interested but I’ll need a couple of months to get my feet on the ground. But I almost believe him. I talked to my adoptive parents on Sunday as well. They have the bed I slept on as a kid setup in the basement and some simple foodstuffs put up for me there. The internet will be turned on June 25th so I can get to catching up on my Information Technology and programming skills. They gave my parole officer (PO) Helen Gaither the house key which I can get from her on Wednesday but left a door open in the event by the time I get to Menasha, WI after business hours. Of course this tells me the PO and my adoptive parents have been meeting and talking. That makes me a little nervous. But everything seems set. Wednesday can’t get here soon enough!
Some Like It Hot
Posted: December 27, 2011 in UncategorizedTags: Afterwards, antennas, apprehension, area, assignment, Canyon, Carr, Casarjian, cell, cellie, Charles, computer, daughter, definition, degrees, desk, Detention, development, door, effort, environment, essay, Facebook, Framework, friend, Grand, Grey, Houses, Infrastructure, inmate, inmates, inspection, Institution, Jake, Johnson, Johnsons, Jose, June, Just, Kidd, Larry, Lexi, Mail, Malcolm, Martin, member, Michaels, Milwaukee, MSDF, parents, Phase, plan, poster, Prison, Program, programmer, radar, Reception, Release, Robin, Russ, Russell, Sands, Secure, skills, skit, Some, spite, suggestions, Sure, System, Though, Under, uniforms, vacation, ventilation, Victoria, wife, Wisconsin, worker
I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). Monday, June 6th would turn out to be a record breaking day heat wise in the Milwaukee area. Though we are in an environment where we never see the outside world, we very much feel the effects as the air from the outside world is pumped through the ventilation system. But the day didn’t begin all that badly. Our ERP social worker Ms. Grey returned from vacation having gotten to see the Grand Canyon among other places. She appeared relaxed, content much more than I’d seen her in the past. The first thing we did was to go through the relapse trigger assignment. Ms. Grey surprised us with having the presenting inmate do a skit with other group members reflecting the relapse triggers described. For mine, she had two inmates play my adoptive parents, Charles and Victoria Martin expressing concern about how much isolating and the amount of time I spent on a computer, which I could actually see them doing. As an IT Infrastructure and .NET Framework programmer, fortunately they know I will be working on the computer a lot, knocking the rust off my skills. While all this was going on I saw guard Ron Kidd standing at the front door of my cell. Sure enough he had gone in and was doing a cell inspection. We had largely been ignored since the big shakedown here but Kidd and cellie Malcolm Johnson have already had several run ins. He hasn’t gotten the idea yet to stay below the radar which is surprising since he has spent so much time in prison. Cellie and ERP group member Larry Sands happened to be there and said he saw Kidd go straight to the fan he managed to acquire from a departing inmate (again) and take it which led him to think someone snitched on him, possibly Johnson. While Johnson has become one who seems to spend a lot of time at the guard desk and time alone with his ERP social worker Ms. Carr, I don’t think Johnsons was the snitch this time. The bottom line is he took a fan, an extra set of clothes I had and ripped down everything taped to the wall including our antennas for TV. Reception can be hard here so that was annoying. But back to group. I participated in the skit for ERP group member Russ Johnson. I played his twelve year old daughter, while Sands played his ex-wife, who were making demand if him. Apparently, I did a good job playing his daughter. At one point in the skit, mom and dad were fighting and I quipped, “Mom and dad are fighting again. Oh Well. More presents for me.” Everyone laughed at this. Then we got into the Phase 3 essay test while she reviewed our Plan A and B plan. It was a simple test. Afterwards, she made suggestions on how to improve the poster and covered the definition of craving that she hadn’t covered yet but had been on the test. By now, the heat, a high of 94 degrees outside and high humidity, had descended on us. In these polyester uniforms it was just miserable. And Sands, as well as Jose Michaels, have no fans. I felt bad for them but nothing I could do. Speaking of Michaels, he really is working hard. He is thoroughly doing the exercises in the Houses of Healing book by Robin Casarjian. Just a ton of effort in everything program related. Malcolm, on the other hand, has made it clear he doesn’t want to do anything. It’s kind of interesting to watch. After group, some members called me over. They want me to create a title for the poster board on the graduation project on the computer. Of course, I wasn’t happy. Just poor planning on this all around. Other groups had their project done months before and here we are 4 days before graduation still planning. But Russell Johnson volunteered to step up and make it. I was happy. Perhaps too, the heat is just making me cranky. Mail call came and along with it, another development with my daughter, Lexi. She had gone on Facebook and gave me a friend request (Under my real name of course. If you’d like to befriend Jake on Facebook, go here). I asked the blog sponsor who watches these things for me to accept her request and let her know I can’t wait to see her and to look around her Facebook page for me and let me know what’s going on with her. Finally, a window into what is going on! I settled in for the night with a smile in spite of sweating along with some apprehension.
ERP Torture
Posted: November 28, 2011 in UncategorizedTags: Andre, Augie, ball, breakfast, Brian, cell, cellie, Charles, clue, complaints, computer, Corey, Detention, disc, doesn, feedback, goal, Grey, haven, Hogan, Impact, Institution, June, Just, Larry, Little, Mark, Milwaukee, Most, MSDF, objections, officer, Once, Phase, poster, Prescott, presentation, Prison, Program, Release, response, room, Sands, scrutiny, Secure, session, situation, System, topic, Torture, Transformer, vacation, victim, week, Whalen, Wisconsin, worker
I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). Cellie Brian Whalen just as recently released forcer cellie Corey Ball, was released shortly after breakfast, about 7:15 am. His parole officer (PO) came to get him. Just like Ball and Andre Charles, he swore he’d write but I doubt he will. It’s just Larry Sands and I in the cell for now. We both dread having to take on new cellies with this short amount of time left for us but with a new ERP group starting next week, it is inevitable. Most of the guys from the last ERP graduating class are still here because of various reasons such as judges haven’t signed off yet or problems with getting their place to live approved. I’m grateful my situation, though not ideal, is pretty much set. I started my ERP morning group session bringing with me the disc I had put all our graduation materials on to give to our ERP social worker Ms. Grey to be printed. I was happy to be done. The session started with Ms. Grey letting us know that she’d be on vacation the week beginning May 30th through June 4th and next week, the week of May 23rd, would be devoted to the final PO call for group members, though two members had their PO calls today. Augie Prescott had his call and no clue how things went. But Mark Hogan also had his call and his parole was supposed to have been transferred weeks ago from Milwaukee County but no go. They wanted to put him in a transitional living place (TLP) in Milwaukee if it doesn’t get worked out. His response? He wants to go back to PRC and have them send him to a minimum security facility once he graduates ERP. He doesn’t want the more intense scrutiny of Milwaukee County than he would get at the rural county he wants to go and where he owns land. So I get it. The topic turned to our graduation project. I gave her the disc. I thought that would be the end of it. We had a lot of spare time at the end of our morning session and Ms. Grey said it was extreme torture having to sit here with nothing to do which drew a big laugh from us with some commenting that she now knew how they felt. It thought that whole thing was interesting. In the afternoon session, she had returned with the disc I had given her and had complaints about how some of it was worded. I said that was fine, she allowed me to go to the computer room and change that. Once I came back, I gave the disc back to her but it was pretty clear they had been talking about the project and me while I was gone. Ms. Grey claimed it was her idea that she was unhappy with the amount we had borrowed from the previous ERP class design though her words were strikingly familiar to the terms used by Larry Sands in his objections. She took a vote and it was voted that they basically wanted to start over with a new transformer and colors, the bumblebee. I was extremely unhappy. After all it had been decided as a group previously, we had wanted as little work as possible to have to be done for this project. It did mean Ms. Grey would have to find a new picture of a transformer. And at least I’ll have a whole week to work on it. But I won’t lie. I am still unhappy. We did our Phase 3 goal presentation today. It took the tone of lets hurry up and get it done. Little to no feedback from anyone really. Tomorrow we are supposed to read our victim impact letters. We were supposed to have gone over those in private with her and determine if it was going to be read to the group. Now we’ll have 5 minutes to review it. I’m guessing the time crunch is coming into play here. We’re also supposed to review the ripple effect poster. So it’ll be an interesting day tomorrow. And I already can’t wait for it to be over with!
The Third ERP Graduation
Posted: November 19, 2011 in UncategorizedTags: About, Again, Albert, artwork, attendance, ball, behaviors, Brian, Carr, cell, cellie, cellies, ceremony, certificates, completion, conversation, Corey, David, departure, depictions, depth, dessert, Detention, didn, director, Earnie, extras, firsts, FMCI, food, From, graduation, Grey, inmates, Inside, Institution, June, Just, knowledge, Larry, Larson, Malik, manager, member, Milwaukee, MSDF, officers, opinion, outlook, Payne, Pearl, person, Pibts, presentation, Prison, Program, relationship, relationships, Release, revelation, role, room, Sands, Secure, series, shortcomings, Some, Sussex, swamper, System, tactics, theme, third, ticket, topic, trays, Unit, warden, Whalen, Wisconsin, workbook, worker, workers, zeal
I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). Today is graduation day for another ERP group. This graduation includes 3 important characters in this blog – Brian Whalen, Corey Ball, along with former cellie Malik Pearl. About 9:30 am the ceremony started. They had chosen the name “The Pibts” as their theme in they’re another chance, a one way ticket out of here but if they don’t do what they need to do to stay clean and sober it will be a round trip ticket bat to MSDF or similar place. The artwork was impressive, with a wall trimmed with gold and blue. On top were blue circles with a plane inside along with each person’s name. After the opening remarks, there were comments by the unit manager and the security director who was standing in for the Warden, who couldn’t be there today. What followed was presentation of quotes by the inmates, who also took the opportunity to thank their ERP social worker Ms. Carr along with a list of others in the room. Some even took the time to thank the parole officers who took the time to attend, which was a nice gesture. Then Ms. Carr presented the ERP completion certificates to the inmates as those in attendance clapped. Like past graduations, cookies were given out. Since I’m a swamper the guard told me to hand them out, 2 a piece, one chocolate and one ginger. Of course inmates were trying to get me to give them extras. One positive thing about me is public opinion of me here isn’t high on my priority list! So that didn’t happen. Of course some got seconds before others got their firsts but that’s because they didn’t get in line right away. Just like first grade right? Then we got a big surprise. Our ERP social worker, Ms. Grey, showed up for group. Normally on graduation day we don’t have group in the morning but she decided to have group anyway. Cellie and ERP group member Larry Sands had had a conversation with her and she revealed the reason she missed the previous day because she had been mugged. It was good she was ok. Again we watched videos form the relationship series From the Inside Out featuring Earnie Larson. These were the last ones. We did the accompanying workbook sections for the videos. We flew right through. This again was another topic (relationships) that we could have spent weeks on. Larson did an excellent job through the role play depictions of portraying various relationship behaviors that I’m sure if we had the time it would have been beneficial to go into this in depth. But there isn’t the time left to do that and everything else scheduled prior to June 10th (our graduation). As we left group for lunch we noticed that the guy who said he’s going to tell on everyone at a community meeting and all his cellies in a rather heated meeting with two social workers. It seems all his cellies have tired of his bullying tactics in the cell. No big surprise huh? At lunch it was one of our better meals, the Baked fish and cupcakes for dessert. There were no extras because a guard named Albert Payne ate them all! He’s the same guard that makes us all stand with our hands to our side at count. We’ve seen guards eat multiple trays of food at FMCI before so its no big revelation. But doing it, I was looking forward to that extra cupcake I’d have gotten as a swamper! But no big deal. more importantly, my relationship with the other swamper, David Sussex isn’t as good as it was. He just likes to preach at people about their shortcomings in a religious way. His outlook is just very immature. I finally told him he talked too much and shared with him what scripture says about zeal without knowledge. He didn’t like that. But its okay. We’ll be fine. I’ve got 35 days till my ERP group graduates, no more than 45 till departure. I’m not letting anything here take my focus off of that.