Posts Tagged ‘JoAnn’


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  With ERP social worker Ms. Grey on vacation until June 6th, I anticipated a slow, boring Tuesday after Memorial Day.  It seemed like the biggest challenge we would be dealing with would be the heat.  The holiday weekend had brought summer like weather, with temperatures in the high eighties with extreme humidity.  It makes me grateful I won’t be here in July and August as I graduate this program June 19th and am anticipating release by June 20th.  I busied myself Tuesday morning with the assignments Ms. Grey had left us with.  I did the A and B plan, which lists what our plan is upon release, both a primary and a fallback plan.  I’ve been planning for that in some way almost every day as the blog sponsors will tell you!  As anyone will tell you when getting released, those kind of plans are tough as there are so many variables involved.  One variable changes or complications occur and the whole plan radically changes.  The other assignment was to write a paragraph on possible release triggers that we select from a list in a pamphlet.  I did 7 paragraphs.  Again, it’s obvious common sense stuff.  I know to stay away from bars, be honest, and get out of my head.  The general consensus is this is busy work for while Ms. Grey is gone.  It took me 2 hours to finish it all.  Most of the other guys in the group did theirs last week.  I pulled out the A edition of the encyclopedia and started reading.  Group member Kevin House indicated he wanted to change the quote for the graduation project program I’d worked on.  I felt like this might be an opportunity to fix the errors Ms. Grey made when she made changes to it.  We’ll have to wait and see if there’s time when she gets back.  Otherwise, we spent the day battling the heat and trying to stay occupied.  Cellie Malcolm Johnson as anticipated, is having some difficulty not stating his opinions in a constructive manner in Ms. Carr’s group as he came back upset with how they’re trying to “muzzle him”.  I’m sure  he’ll learn how it works here.  He sees things through the prism of racial bias, which while that is an element, it can’t be your focus.  Otherwise, as with a prism, it distracts your view of everything else.  Mail call was done early tonight.  My heart dropped when I saw an envelope addressed to me from the Winnebago County Courthouse.  Letters from such places are never good news and when you’re this close to release are grounds for a  heart attack.  The news isn’t good but it wasn’t about me.  I have a daughter from the relationship prior to JoAnn.  Her name is Lexi.  Her mother, Barb, through the years did everything she could to prevent Lexi and I from having a relationship.  She was the kind of person that wouldn’t hesitate to call the police and make up a story about you which is actually what let to our breakup.  I focused on JoAnn’s kids after she had begun making untrue allegations against JoAnn and later on against my adoptive parents, Charles and Victoria Martin concerning the treatment of her son from another relationship, Eli.  Lexi and I were very close while we were together and she loved JoAnn and the kids when we got to spend time with them.  But this paperwork indicated that Lexi had been removed from the home and they wanted to change her placement because of violence in the home which they were blaming on Lexi.  It was so unlike the loving, sweet, shy girl I’d known.  Eli had been removed from her home for similar reasons a  few years ago.  Since Ms. Grey was on vacation and the hearing is June 2nd (today is May 31st) I went to another ERP social worker Ms. Nell Presley, for help.  I wanted to at least attend the hearing by phone but would need their help to do so.  She didn’t seem motivated at all but said she would try.  She is the same social worker that divulged journal info to former Andre Charles.  Whenever you get legal papers, other inmates see that envelope and immediately know something’s up.  I briefly described it.  I’m just numb.  Why are all my kids following down my path?  And my father’s path?  And his father before him?  I feel extreme guilt and sadness.  I’m powerless to do anything behind these prison doors and I know that.  I just so wish I was there and able to meet her needs.  All I can do is pray and say how sorry I am which of course won’t help anyone at all. 

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I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  We were supposed to start our ERP group morning session with the remaining Phase 3 goal and objectives presentation but group member Augie Prescott was absent due to a medical issue so our ERP social worker Ms. Grey, decided to review each victim impact letter with us prior to their presentation to the group on Thursday. Speaking of Augie, we found out his interstate compact which would allow him to move to Alabama upon release, was approved.  Some more good news was that Scott Bunker has had his catheter removed and has been cleared of serious medical issues.  So this was all good to hear.  I was the first one to have my victim impact letter reviewed with Ms. Grey.  It was from my ex-wife JoAnn.  She described hating being alone during our marriage, the disastrous effect on my stepdaughters, being left with the mortgage, accused me of being unfaithful (which isn’t true) while admitting she had not been a saint either.  Though it was biased, there was a lot of truth in what she said.  I’m not nervous about reading it to the group though.  There was nothing there I haven’t talked about or have been dishonest about with my ERP group.  After I was done, I went up to the computer room to work on our graduation project handout for the ceremony.  It wasn’t long before I was joined by just about everybody in the group all giving their input on what it should look like while standing behind me.  Every time I did something that didn’t work out they were of course quick to point that out.  I patiently explained about the Undo function in Microsoft Word.  Ms. Grey sent word when she saw everyone up in the computer room with me that I wasn’t allowed to talk about the letter from JoAnn.  She needn’t have worried.  I still don’t volunteer information about myself unnecessarily.  But the good news on the graduation project handout is that the images Ms. Grey gave me this time – the bumblebee transformer – worked out well this time.  Not only that, but since everyone was waiting they all had the chance to sign off on its design.  So I put it on the disc and would give it to Ms. Grey at the afternoon session.  Let’s hope it’s done.  The afternoon session started off with Ms. Grey telling us she would not share how she evaluated us in Phase 2 and if we wanted to see it we would have to ask our parole officer (PO) after we got out.  When we asked why, she just flat out said she didn’t want to.  We were pretty mystified and annoyed.  Wouldn’t she want us to know how we were evaluated?  We want to see it if the PO does, though these guys who have been locked up before say the PO doesn’t care about such things.  So that caused a bit of a stir after group.  The rest of the day was spent listening to the goals and objectives of the rest of the group members.  Tomorrow is Wednesday, a Training Day, which means there are no groups.  She has the disc with our graduation project program on it.  I don’t anticipate an eventful rest of the week.  I’ll probably end up regretting I said that!


I am at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  After dealing with the crabby guard, our ERP group leader, Ms. Grey, showed up along with intern Nikita and after our normal breathing exercises and prayer we began Week 13 processing of the ERP goals and objectives that had been decided on.  First up, just like when the autobiographies were read was group member Larry Sands.  His goals and objectives dealt with anger and grief dealing with the deaths of his son and father.  Just like when he read his autobiography, Ms. Grey jumped on him for failing to apply the books he’d been given to read to himself.  To be honest she was right.  He really hadn’t.  Next up was John Lloyd.  Lloyd has had something kind of odd go on with him as he’s lost partial muscle control in his left eye, unable to move his left eye all the way to the left.  I became alarmed over the possibility that a minor stroke might be taking place so I encouraged him to submit a blue form to the Heath Services Unit (HSU) on Sunday.  Plus his color is ashen.  I hope I’m wrong.  Anyway, it was kind of interesting, Lloyd read his essay on grief over the death of his father copying a poem from his book and essentially doing a book report as well but Ms. Grey complimented his efforts.  Then he read the letter to his deceased father and broke down in tears several times throughout.  Where Ms. Grey and Nikita were sitting they couldn’t see it but group members Russ Johnson and Kevin House sat and mocked him for doing so.  At the end she motioned group member Scott Bunker to go up and give him a hug.  The people in the room, already silent, shifted their eyes downward and everyone was uncomfortable.  He did give him the hug startling Lloyd.  There was little follow up to the reading of the letter.  We broke for lunch.  Sands caught up with me going on and on about how Ms. Grey was targeting him.  He clearly wanted my agreement.  I just told him she’s trying to reach you, trying not to take the bite.  Prior to the group starting after lunch the topic was the hug given by Bunker to Lloyd.  To Bunker’s credit, he said he didn’t mind.  But Lloyd and the rest just ripped on Bunker and Ms. Grey for it.  As is my custom I sat and listened.  But I knew on one level they were right.  You don’t hug in prison period and that includes MSDF.  If we were in a treatment group outside here I suspect it would be a different situation.  After lunch it was my turn.  First I read my essay on forgiveness based in part on the book Houses of Healing where I told of my path to forgive my biological father for the things that happened.  I read my second essay on the book of Anger Is a Choice by Tim Lahaye.  I also read my letter forgiving my father which came out more confrontational than forgiving.  Ms. Grey seemed ok with what I’d done and there wasn’t much feedback just like with everyone else except Sands.  I noted at the end that the nightmares and aversions to socializing I deal with are still there.  Later that day at mail call, I received a letter from my ex JoAnn.  She wrote she’s been dating a new guy who has been helpful to my former step-daughter Lisa.  I’m not the first guy in prison whose family’s needs are being met by a new guy.  Doesn’t make it any less painful of course.  I spent a good portion of the night unable to sleep.  I, like most of us guys in prison with families, know in the back of our mind this was going to happen.  But when faced with the reality it still hurts.  The next morning after a couple hours of sleep I prayed for their happiness and asked for the strength to put it behind me and to look forward.  After all, what else can I do?


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  The big news for me is I got a new cellie.  His name is Corey Ball.  He’ll be taking the upper bunk above cellie Andre Charles. As the graduation date nears (March 4th) for Andre’s ERP group, people are scrambling to get or line up people for their cells who they think will be a good match instead of taking the chance on whomever might get assigned to them from the incoming ERP group.  We’re no different.  Cellie Brian Whalen and I discussed Ball and his quiet demeanor and the lack of drama surrounding him definitely impressed us.  So we encouraged him to make the move now before people started coming in.  At first he declined because he didn’t want to be in the same cell as Andre, as he has a bit of a reputation here.  But he finally agreed.  Andre, true to form, told Ball he had to ask his permission before coming over.  They all laughed it off but he clearly had communicated his message to him.  We had to wait till Tuesday to actually make the move because the only guard that does is Ruth Bartowski and she wouldn’t come in until then.  During the weekend I completed several objectives of my ERP Treatment Plan.  I wrote the 5 page essay on forgiveness based on the readings from Houses of Healing by Robin Casarjian, and the letter forgiving my biological father, through the letter came out more confrontational than forgiving but it ended on that note.  I also wrote the letter forgiving myself focusing on the loss of my family and my role in that.  It was a complicated matter lacking in solid lines of separation of fault from each person but I focused on things I was clearly at fault for.  I also wrote the letter to JoAnn asking her to write a letter detailing how my alcoholism affected her.  Our ERP group leader, Ms. Grey, will review and send it out.  On weekends around here, I’ll tell you I sure miss football.  Ms. Grey had indicated she would be again joining the protests over the loss of collective bargaining in Madison this weekend so it didn’t surprise me on Tuesday (Monday was President’s Day) when our ERP group was told she wasn’t coming in.  So Tuesday was just like Monday in addition to a holiday, it was a furlough day which meant all we did was study existing program materials or at least that’s what we’re suppose to be doing.  Finally, Ball got to move to our cell Tuesday night.  Some things were present I didn’t expect.  He hung up posters of scantily clad women and of spider webs.  He explained to me the spider webs were tattoo designs that white supremacists often wore.  Perhaps my shaved head and goatee made him think it was ok to approach me with that.  Well it wasn’t.  I told him no way would that fly.  The posters are fine.  I just don’t get why you would want to pour gas on that fire.  I gave him the 411 on Andre, to act like using the chair when he got off his bunk so you didn’t make noise and disturb him was your idea.  And most of all, be cool, he’ll graduate ERP soon and you wont’ have to put up with him much longer.  Believe me I tell myself this every day.  Ball got settled in and for the moment there is peace. 


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP). This morning cellie Andre Charles and Malik Pearl immediately started in on each other once Malik revealed people talk about Andre’s tendency to snap on people.  Andre didn’t like learning people talked about him though he says he knew they did.  But of course, he was angry that Malik didn’t tell him before.  That’s not what he was really mad about.  But as I talked with him I again tried to make him understand that his rage issue, if he didn’t get a hold of it, with medication or whatever, he’s going to kill someone to no avail.  He keeps wanting my opinion/approval, I don’t know why.  But I’m going to keep telling him the same thing.  After the ERP group began this morning, Ms. Grey, who’d been on vacation all last week, was here.  She asked us our impression of the What the Bleep Do We Know.  We were all pretty skeptical.  Then we did breathing exercises which she wants us to do everyday to start group.  We close one nostril, breathe in, bend our head, then blow out the other nostril.  It’s different.  But we better get used to it.  Then we talked about the assignments in “Criminal Conduct and Substance Abuse Treatment” by Kenneth Wanberg and Harvey Milkman and Houses of Healing by Robin Casarjian.  Everyone completely agreed including Ms. Grey, that the Milkman workbook completely sucks and Casarjian rocks.  But we’re required somehow to do this workbook according to Ms. Grey.  So that’s what we’ll do.  In the afternoon session we managed to get a hold of the remote for the DVD player and were able to watch “Portraits in Addiction” by Bill Moyer, which we hadn’t been able to do last time and wrote a one page essay on it.  It was at least 15 years old so some of the references and people were dated but I thought it showed several types of addiction as well.  They’re telling us much of what we already know.  Yes we are alcoholics.  We don’t need convincing.  But perhaps I speak too quickly.  After the afternoon session, I checked at the desk for mail and to my shock there was a letter from my former step-daughter Lynn.  She sent a Christmas card with a photo of her and her boyfriend, a photo of her and JoAnn, and Lisa and a letter.  In her letter she apologized for how she has treated me and seemed genuinely interested in what was going on with me.  They had even gone to see my adoptive parents this past weekend.  I sense there’s more going on out there in regards to this group of people.  But its the same issue when JoAnn sent me the Christmas card.  To what level can I get involved with these folks?  Should I?  I still haven’t decided.  But I have a letter to write.  I’m excited she reached out to me as I had wanted that for a  long time.