Posts Tagged ‘emotion’


I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  I woke up to cellie Andre Charles, banging around intentionally trying to disturb the rest of us in retaliation for yesterday’s events.  I bet you’re as tired of reading about this as I am living it.  But I took advantage.  I got up and got my laundry and shower done by 7:30 am.  In the news department, I’m starting a new protein only diet today.  I’m 6’1” and 200 lbs, heavier than I’ve ever been.  Basically I’ll only eat protein.  No more chips, carbs and such.  So I ordered meat sticks and tuna off canteen.  So we’ll see how that works.  I’m not fat but I want to keep from getting that way.  Plus I ordered a multivitamin off canteen so its not like I’m not getting that stuff.  Anyway, Ms. Grey came for our morning ERP session and started out with our breathing exercise and moved onto a “pretest” of our knowledge about the things we’ll be covering in ERP which I got an 82.  She elected to wait until next week for our assignment on the inner child from yesterday.  No one complained.  A new book was handed out, the second in the series from The Change Companies called “Rational Thinking” and got out first assignment, Chapter 1 – “Learning Your ABC’s” of emotion and action.  “A” stands for the activating event, “B” is for Beliefs and “C” is for consequences.  As usual, if you want details, ask.  After we were done, cellie Malik Pearl let me know the social worker questioned cellie Brian Whalen about this situation in our cell.  He went back on what he told us he was going to say and instead said everything was fine.  I haven’t been questioned.  But Andre returned to the cell crowing how Malik was such a punk and how we’ll never get him out of this cell.  Unless there’s a fight I suspect he’s right.  Once again we had it out.  Once again nothing got resolved.  I’ve just had it with this guy.  Afterwards, I just relaxed and enjoyed an episode of MASH.  Hard to be in a bad mood after that.

Advertisements

I’m at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility (MSDF), an institution in the Wisconsin Prison System (WPS), participating in the Earned Release Program (ERP).  Last night at the final standing count a rumor circulated among the inmates that an inmate on another floor had committed suicide by ingesting the cleaning solution we use to clean the tier.  I didn’t really believe it.  If I told you folks every crazy rumor that inmates report this blog wouldn’t have space for anything else.  I actually slept pretty well for a change that night.  The next morning a sure sign there is a problem is when the procedure for count is disrupted.  Normally we stand outside our door on the tier while the guard counts us.  Afterwards people may pass freely to the bathroom and back to their cell.  Up to that point during the night only one person after having been cleared by the guard may go to the bathroom.  It may not sound like a big deal to you but if you have to go and aren’t allowed to it can become one.  But anyway, after count was done by the guard manually going to each room to verify the number, we remained on lockdown, and when anyone tried to go to the bathroom, it wasn’t allowed.  Finally, for breakfast, we were allowed out and then as breakfast gave way to lunch, it was confirmed it was in fact a suicide.  No announcement mind you but those who talk to guards confirmed it.  I didn’t expect an outpouring of emotion or introspection from inmates or guards but it was greeted with a shrug of the shoulders type attitude, as if they had heard it on the news and that took me back a little.  I’d seen a suicide attempt before since I was locked up, in the Waukesha County Jail, but the reaction to that was heartless and they actually encouraged him to go through with it.  (He jumped from the upper tier intending to go head first into the floor but at the last second bailed and landed on his leg.  He suffered minor injuries)  The only acknowledgement from the guards was to post a note to all saying cleaning fluids must be returned to the desk.  I don’t know why he did it, if this place pushed him over the edge, if he had his proper medication, or if he was being returned to prison because his parole had been revoked and that combined with everything else was simply too much for him to bear.  There was nothing in the media about him so I’m just writing this to acknowledge what happened and if his family happens to find this, to express my sympathies to you for your loss.  I suspect that you’ll not see anything like that from the cold, unfeeling institution but that is their nature.  My regular readers know I’ve been there and it is only by sheer luck I am not dead.  I didn’t use the phrase God’s grace because it would imply that I am special.  Would it mean your loved one who died was not?  No, of course not.  What id does mean is God’s hands and feet, us human beings, were unable to get to your loved one in time to make a difference.  It isn’t God’s fault and it doesn’t mean your loved one lost the war they were in.  He’s a soldier that’s fallen in battle and the good they have done won’t be forgotten.